Self-Compassion Is The Key Ingredient to Social Confidence
Self-compassion is a way of relating to yourself with kindness, encouragement and support. It’s how you’d treat a good friend or a child when they’re struggling with something.
So often we have a habit of speaking to ourselves in a harsh, commanding tone – what is wrong with me? Why did I say that? You sound like an idiot!
Now that you’ve learned more about why you have this inner critic, you’ll learn tools and strategies to break this unhelpful pattern and to replace it with a new, empowering way of relating to yourself.
Strategy 1 – Commit To Complete Self-Compassion
This is the first, and most essential step in building self-compassion. Without making this decision and committing to a practice of treating yourself differently, no other strategy will have a lasting effect.
The pattern of self-attack often has a compelling case as to why you must continue to engage in beating yourself up.
It tells you you need it. It’s the only way to keep tabs on yourself, to improve, to “be a good person,” etc.
These are the hooks this pattern uses to pull you back in, just when you’re starting to break free.
If you’re still strongly believing you need self-criticism to succeed, please read this blog entry about why you attack yourself. It’ll provide you with the ideas and resources to become willing to let go of self-attack as a necessary way of lfe.
If you’re already on board, if you know attacking yourself is not really serving you, but you’re having a hard time knowing how to stop doing it, then you ‘re ready. Read on!
Decide, Commit, and Resolve!
- Are you ready to make a shift that’ll drastically increase your happiness, productivity, and your fulfillment in life?
- Can you imagine a life in which you’re no longer criticizing and belittling yourself in your head 24/7?
- A life where you’re always on your own side, always supportive, encouraging, helpful, respectful, and kind to yourself no matter what?
If this is the life you want to live, then you must first be willing to decide to do whatever it takes to change your relationship with yourself.
You must decide that you’ll do whatever it takes to stop treating yourself with harshness and meanness and to start treating yourself with kindness and care.
From this place of decisiveness, of resolve, write out a short paragraph about what you’re committed to doing. For example:
I’m on my side no matter what. I refuse to indulge in attacking myself for any reason. When I ‘ve made a mistake, a poor choice, or any other sort of error, I will focus all of my energy on being especially kind and supportive towards myself. I do not need to punish myself to learn and grow.
Take a moment to write your paragraph out now. It doesn’t have to be very long, 1-4 sentences will do.
The next step in the process is to commit to turning this decision into a daily practice. The most powerful and efficient way to do this is to memorize your short paragraph from above. Taking the time to repeat these statements enough to memorize them will ingrain them into your mind.
Once you’ve memorized this statement, repeat it often – when you’re in the shower, in your car, on your bike, or anywhere you like. This continues to condition your mind towards a different way of relating to itself.
Throughout the day, whenever you notice you’re criticizing yourself, take a moment and pause. State out loud, if possible, “I’m attacking myself right now. I don’t need to do this. There’s a better way.”
Then ask yourself the following question:
How can I treat myself with even more kindness and compassion right now?
By repeatedly asking this question, your mind will have another direction to explore rather than the self-attack route. In addition to asking this question, you can also use one of the other self-compassion strategies from this series.
Stay tuned for six more ways to transform self-criticism into self-compassion!