Our beliefs have an incredibly powerful effect on what we think, what we see, and how we feel about ourselves.
One of the most common beliefs I frequently see in shy people is some version of the following:
I’m not interesting.
Others think I’m boring.
The trouble with this belief, and any belief really, is that we tend to look for confirmation.
As a result, when you’re speaking with someone, you’re searching their face for signs of disinterest. You’re also more likely to interpret unclear gestures – such as looking away – as clear signs of complete disinterest.
In addition, if you believe you’re boring to others, you’re less likely to fully engage. You’ll hold back because, “Hey, they don’t really care what I have to say anyway.”
When you hold back, out of fear of being boring, you might actually end up being less interesting. Your mind then can say “See, I told you. You’re so boring, no one cares what you have to say.”
It’s essential to shift this belief about yourself in order to enjoy your social life. One powerful and effective way to do this is to regularly remind yourself out loud of the following:
What I think, feel, and say matters.
What I say is interesting and important to me.
How would you communicate if you knew these were true? How readily would you share yourself with others? How would you speak, what quality of voice tone would you have?
If you’d like to shift the disempowering “I’m boring” belief, experiment with repeating the three statements above, at least five times per day. Repeat them as a mantra in your head before you enter into a conversation.