Do You Sometimes Feel Like You’re Not In Charge Of Your Life?

Does it feel like you’re just getting up and doing what you “have” to do each day?

For so many of us, life can start to become a series of things we have to take care of. I have to go to work at this job, I have to spend time with these people, I should go for a jog, I should make myself a healthy meal, I have to…

This is a subtle way in which we give our own sense of personal power away.

When we lose a sense of agency in our lives, when we no longer feel like we’re choosing what we’re doing in life, we forget that we’re the ones steering the ship.

The most powerful question you can ask yourself on a daily basis is – what am I choosing to do here?

This question emphasizes the reality that what you’re doing is, in fact, a choice. Even the things that feel like you have to do them, are still a choice. Perhaps it’s a choice you made at an earlier time, and now you’re struggling with the results of that choice.

Whether it’s your job, your relationship, how you’re spending your time, who you’re with, what you’re talking about, or any other aspect of your life – the more you realize it’s a choice, the more empowered you become.

Each time you acknowledge that you’re choosing something, new options immediately open up.

But wait a minute, what about something I truly did not choose, such as an illness or a death in my family? 

Don’t worry, this isn’t The Secret where I’m going to tell you that you in fact did choose that unconsciously. No, the truth is that hard things happen in life. The more we engage with life, the more we love and connect with others, the more impacted we are by loss. Unfortunately, there’s no way around this, other than to hold back from life and avoid fully engaging with the world around us.

While we don’t choose all of the things that happen to us in life, such as illness or loss, we do choose how to respond to these events.

When we get a diagnosis or lose someone we love, do we allow ourselves space to grieve? Do we honor our feelings and give ourselves the love, patience, compassion, and respect we need to heal? When we face a challenge do we acknowledge that it’s hard and give ourselves a break?

What do we do with the hard things in life? What kind of story do we choose to create as we face the adversity in our lives? Do we conclude that love ends in pain, things don’t work out, so it’s best not to try? Or do we create an empowering story that fuels us to deepen and grow even more in our lives.

The more we realize we have a choice – about what we do with our time, who we interact with, how we interact, and how we respond to the uncontrollable events in life – the more powerful we become to guide the course of our lives.

When we realize we’re fully responsible to guide the ship in our lives, that we’re in charge of which direction it’s heading, and where our ultimate destination is, then our level of personal freedom increases exponentially.

Stay tuned for the next blog entry, where you’ll learn exactly how to steer your ship in the direction you most want!

Dr. Aziz