Discover How To Text With High Self-Confidence
There you are: you’ve just met someone wonderful, you’ve got her number, and you’re ready to reach out and text her . . . in this hypothetical situation, do you feel like you’re about to hit a home run or strike out completely?
Texting is something that a lot of people struggle with. Even if you draft multiple versions of texts with everyone from friends to co-workers, the context in which texting proves the most challenging is dating and relationships.
The first thing that you have to realize about texting is that texting is not a real conversation.
Allow me to explain: Humans have evolved over millions of years to connect and communicate effectively with each other. For the vast majority of that time, this has taken place primarily through face-to-face conversation.
In fact, modern communication mediums that we take for granted today did not come into play until the last century.
In other words, we’re used to direct exchanges—when we talk to each other, we’re hardwired to expect an immediate response.
Let’s say you were talking to someone in person and asked how his or her day was going . . . you’d expect a verbal answer, right? What if, however, the person just stared at you blankly, then turned and walked away? You’d be like, “What the hell, man?” You’d feel rejected, ignored, maybe even hurt or angry. Unfortunately, we bring exactly the same mentality to texting.
How many times have you found yourself feeling anxious, frustrated or rejected after texting someone and not receiving a response after a couple minutes (or even a couple hours)? You think, “Ugh! I’m not good enough. I messed it up. She never wants to talk to me again.”
We create the false reality that we’re in a real conversation in which the person is straight-up ignoring us. That’s not what’s happening.
Texting is a means of contact . . . not a real conversation.
There are literally a million things that could be keeping someone from text you back right away at any given moment. It doesn’t mean that the person is ignoring you or hates you.
That’s what we tell ourselves though, right? Then we get into real trouble. We either give up or start operating from a place of insecurity: “Sorry to bother you again, but do you want to hang out with me sometime, maybe?” Trust me—that’s never a good way to represent yourself.
Riddle me this: have you ever not texted someone back right away? Is it because you hated that person?
No. You saw the text and you were in the middle of something, and said, “Oh, shit. Yeah. I’ll do that later.” Or maybe someone sends you a personal or otherwise tricky message, and you’re like, “I’m not quite sure how to respond to that.” Maybe you get back to it eventually, and maybe you don’t. It happens to all of us, and it’s not a tragedy—it’s just life.
Right now, you may be thinking, “No. I respond to every text 10 seconds after I get it.” If that’s true, it’s quite a feat, and I can truthfully say, “Well done!”
For most of us, however, this is an unrealistic standard . . . for your own peace of mind, it may be necessary to let go of the idea that everyone should have the same priorities.
Texting is just a means of making initial contact. Your first text isn’t going to look like a handwritten letter from 1892. That’s treating it like a conversation (and not a very interesting one).
The purpose of a text is just to provoke a little back-and-forth. “How was your trip?” That’s it. “What’s going on?” ‘Nuff said. Once you’ve got the person’s attention, you’ve created the potential for a phone call or an actual date.
Side note: if you’re sitting there like, “Oh my God, phone calls are not for me,” then worry not! I offer another episode about talking on the phone with confidence, and it’s a skill you’re going to have to develop because it happens to be a form of communication other human beings use.
If someone is not responding to you, don’t take it personally. That mentality is based on unfounded fear. If you don’t get a response, just try again a few days later . . . and keep it light! No need for desperation or finger-pointing.
I was talking with a client about this, and he said, “After she doesn’t respond once, I assume she’s not into me.”
No. No, no, no, no! You have got to try at least three times over a two-week period. If you still get nothing, maybe as part of the last ditch effort, you can be a little provocative:
”So, is this your way of telling me to buzz off? : )”
“Was it because I told you about my Star Wars underpants. . . ?”
If you go down this road, though, make sure it’s clear that the message is playful!
When we jump to the conclusion that someone doesn’t want to talk to us, it’s just self-doubt stemming from an old story—an old, negative identity that isn’t serving us. Be confident in yourself, and be patient with everyone else. It’s a busy world out there!
If you really want to get deeper into this stuff, then you have to check out my program: 30 Days to Dating Mastery. Through it, we explore ways to shift those inner demons so that you can feel more confident on a daily basis and start presenting yourself from a place of power.
What has your experience been with texting? What challenges have you noticed? What are you going to do differently after reading this? Share your comments below!