We all know the feeling – you see a beautiful woman you’re totally drawn to and you want to start a conversation with her or you want to ask her out.
Immediately your mind starts grinding away on things to say. You start imagining what you need to do in order to win her over and make her want to go out with you.
You’ve quickly fallen into this pattern of thinking:
What do I need to do in order to impress her to make her like me?
Everything you say or do is filtered through this question above. It can kill your spontaneity, which is where all your natural humor and charm comes from. It can make you stilted, tense, awkward, and make it hard to find things to say.
Worse still, you don’t even know her that well so you don’t even know what she’ll like or dislike. Instead you’re operating on your ideas of “women like a man who is…”
These ideas are shaped by the media and other places and are often unrealistic. To name a few…
A Man Should:
- Always be in charge and decide what to do.
- Not feel insecure or frightened about asking a woman out.
- Not feel sad or scared – this makes him weak and needy.
- Not be jealous or bothered by anything.
What is your list of how a man is “supposed” to be? Try writing this list down. For each one, ask yourself where it came from and if it’s realistic or not. Writing them out and examining each one can be the first step in liberating yourself from these strangling ideas.
Examining what you were taught about how you’re “supposed” to be is the only way to free yourself to be who you really are.
When trying to impress, even “success” is a failure.
Let’s say you approach her in just the right way, as a real man “should.” You say all the right things and she agrees to go out with you. Success, right?
Well, even if she agrees to go out with you, you still haven’t succeeded. Now you need to come up with a date idea that’s really amazing, and be totally in charge the whole time. And then, if you two eventually sleep together, you need to be a stud in the bedroom and totally impress her there too.
The road of trying to impress her never ends. You’ll always have that nagging fear that if she discovered the real you, she would be turned off and leave.
Here are three simple steps you can take to break the habit of trying to impress women.
1. Let Go Of Needing Her Approval.
This can be a challenge, but it’s also the path to freedom and true enjoyment. Before you speak with someone, pay attention to your body. What part of you is clenching, grasping for her approval? You might feel it in your stomach or solar plexus or around your heart.
Take a deep breath in through your nose and let it out through your mouth. Slowly repeat in your own mind: I don’t need her approval.
Focus on physically and emotionally letting go of needing her approval.
This technique can be challenging to learn and can be practiced more through confidence coaching. Once you learn how to do it, the need to impress falls away completely and you’re left with a feeling of liberation and excitement about meeting someone new.
2. Know You Have A Lot To Offer.
Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, right? If you feel the need to impress a woman, you’re too aware of your weaknesses and not aware of your strengths. This makes you feel like you’re not enough and lacking something you need to compensate for.
Instead of trying to impress, become aware of your strengths. For the next week, pay attention to what your strengths are. What’s good about you? What do people like? What do you offer? Create a running list on paper and add to it during the week. Then, read this list over daily for at least one week.
3. Not Everyone Is Going To Like You.
What? Me? Impossible! Certainly everyone should like me…
Yes, when you’re being yourself, people are naturally drawn to you, or they’re not. We like to think we have a lot of control in this area, but why we like someone is much more magnetic and unexplainable than we want to admit. The key is to move towards who you like and learn to manage the feelings of disappointment when a person doesn’t like you.
This means letting yourself feel disappointed, bummed out, or sad as a result of not getting what you want and NOT criticizing yourself or rejecting yourself afterwards.
True success is not in getting her to say yes or to like you. True success is being able to not reject or criticize yourself, even when she says no.
For more free tips on how to let go of needing approval and other ways to feel more confident in yourself, check out the 5 Steps To Unleash
Your Inner Confidence.
- This 10 Second Daily Habit Will Radically Boost Your Confidence - July 2, 2020
- Why Trying To Impress People Never Works (…And What To Do Instead!) - June 25, 2020
- How To Let Go Of Worry And Doubt - June 18, 2020