Today, I want to share two simple words that you can use to create an instant shift in your confidence. When you use these words, you can shift from stressed, anxious, self-critical, full of doubt, to way more confident, way more relaxed, and way more on your own side. Stay tuned to find out what those are.
Welcome to The Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I’m your host, Dr. Aziz, and this is a show for you if you want to 10x your confidence in every area of your life that matters. Whether it’s your dating life or social life, your work, business and career, your finances– every area that’s important. Confidence is a doorway to success in that area. And today we’re going to look at something that you can use across the board in every area of your life.
It’s two simple words that can help shift you from a stressed or anxious or tensed state, to feeling way more confident. Because self-compassion, being on your own side, not turning and attacking yourself, is the biggest piece of confidence. Hands-down, it’s the biggest skill. I call it the master skill because, here’s the thing: you get the job, you get the girl, you win. You actually feel good about yourself, right? Like, “Haha! I’m the man!”
Now, what happens when life doesn’t deal you the winning hand? Let’s say you don’t get the job, you don’t get the girl, you get ignored, you get rejected, someone doesn’t like you, someone fires you, someone… whatever, you don’t get invited. And then what happens? We feel frustrated. We feel down. We feel critical. We turn on ourselves. “I’m an idiot! I suck! What’s wrong with me?!” And that is the biggest drain on our confidence. In fact, if you can eliminate that, and you stop attacking yourself no matter what happens, you can be amazed at how you have unconditional confidence. You have confidence that remains high no matter what the ups and downs of your life are.
So, here are two words that can help you get back into that state of solid unchanging confidence in yourself. I learned them from my son, Zaim– he’s almost three right now. Confession: It’s actually three words, but two of them are smooshed together. So it’s three… two… I don’t know. You be the judge of it. Here are the words… let me tell you the story real quick. A while back, he’s a little kid and he’s trying to figure out how to do stuff, and he wants to do stuff more for himself. That’s part of his drive for autonomy. That’s healthy. So we let him. He wants to get the raisins out of the jar, he wants to pour the cereal, he wants to open up the container of liquid and pour it. So we kind of help him because we don’t want him to throw the cereal and throw the milk everywhere. But, we also want to give him some sense of his own autonomy.
So we’re doing that, and at one time he grabs the hemp milk or whatever and spills it all over the counter. And me being the dad that I want to be, inside of me I go, “What the fuck! I got to clean that shit up!” Outside of me I say, “Sigh. It’s okay, buddy.” Because I could tell he poured it and he gasped. I’m like, “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s just hemp milk and then we clean it up.” Right? Me being an awesome dad.
Well, flash forward a month later and he spills something else. I turn around and he’s got protein powder all over the counter, and my reaction is silence. Because when anger comes up in me, I don’t want to yell at him, so I just take a deep breath. Then he goes, “It’s okay. It’s okay.” And that just melts my heart. It makes we want to cry. It totally shifted my state and I’m like, “Yeah. Yeah, it is okay. It’s not a big deal. It’s just some powder. Let’s clean it up.”
Those are the two words that can shift everything: it’s okay. It’s okay. I didn’t get the job! It’s okay, it’s okay. I told myself I was going to go approach those people, or go to that conversation and be bold, or give a better presentation. I told myself I was going to overcome my fear and approach that woman and ask her out, but I didn’t. And in that moment, that’s when you want to turn on yourself. Grrrr. A demon comes out. It pounces out of the shadows. And in that moment, guess what you want to say? “It’s okay.” Throw your name in there: “Aziz, it’s okay. It’s okay, buddy.” I throw that little phrase in there “buddy” too because that’s a term of endearment. When you refer to yourself by name and use loving words or terms of endearment, you can completely shift your state, completely change your psychology. Make you way more on your own side, way more compassionate, which makes you way more confident, increases your risk tolerance, and makes you a much better performer in all areas– work, business, and even socially.
Those are the two key words: It’s okay. Use them. Try it out in your life and share below. What are you noticing? Do you use this in your life? What have you found? What gets in the way? Let’s all help and support each other out. And as always, if you want to find out more and get more of these videos as they come out, subscribe. I look forward to seeing you in future videos. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are, and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome. Talk to you soon.