Do shyness and social anxiety hold you back from living the life that you want to live? Do you feel as though you’re being held back from becoming the person you’re meant to be or creating the relationships that you want because you’re always bogged down in fear and insecurity?

If you’re tired of living life not on your own terms, then stick around!

Today I’m going to share three tips with you that I’ve picked up over fourteen years of work in the field of confidence coaching that are proven to help people rapidly shift out of shyness and into unstoppable confidence.

Almost everyone on the planet suffers from at least some degree of social anxiety (sometimes referred to as “shyness”)—that feeling of fear or apprehension when it comes to communicating with new people or starting new relationships.

Often, we feel as though new people are going to judge us or that we’re going to embarrass ourselves in some way, and the overwhelming intimidation holds us back from taking the risks that will bring us success and joy.

Unfortunately, for some of us, this apprehension begins to settle in as part of our identity as we move into adulthood. So, what can we do to combat this negative mindset once it has sunk its teeth into our psyches?

The first step is getting on your own side.

What do I mean by this? I mean that you must take control of that negative voice in your head—I call it your “toxic coach”—and change the pattern of non-stop beratement in your mind.

Your toxic coach is the source of all the self-doubt, self-criticism, and self-loathing that stops you in your tracks and sucks the joy out of your life. It makes you believe extreme falsehoods about yourself . . .  and when you get hooked into that false reality, it demolishes the quality of your life.

Now, for some of you, this may be a bit of a review, but if this is the first video of mine that you’ve ever watched, then you can definitely catch up on this information through my podcast, Shrink for the Shy Guy, and my book, The Solution to Social Anxiety!

In the meantime, though, you can start to do this invaluable work by beginning to recognize the patterns of your toxic coach.

Regardless of whether you face social anxiety on a daily basis, the toxic coach is a universal human problem.

No one is free from that pesky voice that questions their every move and challenges their worth. That toxic coach is so persistent that it will harangue you even years after you’ve overcome great obstacles to find success:

         Sure, you built this company, but all of your employees hate you.

         Nobody cares that you came up with that great idea—they all still think you’re an idiot.

         Yeah, she gave you her phone number, but she’s never going to actually go out with you.

This downward spiral is a continuous and cyclical process that will control your life unless you get control of it starting now.

You must begin to catch the cues that your toxic coach is sending you, record it in some way and work consciously to refute it. One way to do this is to start a journal in which you literally have a conversation with your toxic coach and record it. Ask it questions and demand real answers:

         What’s going on?

         Why are you so upset?

         What is it that you want from me?

So often, we just go through life believing what the toxic coach has to say without ever realizing that we are the ones who are really in control. By recording this conversation with your toxic coach, we take it out of the realm of subconscious mystery and remove the intense hold it has on us.

Once you’ve worked to get on your own side by recognizing that the voice of your self-doubt is not in control, the next step is to create a compelling future.

Often, when we get stuck in this pattern of believing our toxic coach, we decide that there’s no hope for change—we believe that that’s just how it’s going to be for us from then on. Does that sound like a very compelling future?

Creating a compelling future is tough to do: we tend to live in a reality that states, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” In the fight for your compelling future, you have to face a battle for belief.

You have to force yourself to accept the inevitability of your success from the inside out—to believe it first and then see it.

Rather than denying your emotions and running from reality through booze, pot, video games, or whatever else allows you to escape, you must slow down and learn how to take care of yourself.

There are various powerful tools for accomplishing this task, and one of them is self-soothing. This technique, which involves both physical and mental engagement, allows you to tune into your feelings and treat yourself with love and compassion.

This and several other fantastic strategies for overcoming your personal challenges are tackled in depth in my program, The Confidence Code. The entire first half of this program is all about eliminating that toxic coach and getting on your own side.

This is incredibly powerful work because the toxic coach taps into and affects our nervous system, which can become overwhelmingly paralyzed when it senses a threat. This pattern gets conditioned in us over time, and becomes incredibly difficult to break. With the support and connections you’ll experience as part of a live event, you’ll find that the process for overcoming that toxic coach and moving forward with your personal improvement is within reach!

Now that you’ve gotten on your own side and created a compelling future for yourself, step number three is to do what scares you.

The overwhelming urge when you face a situation that makes you uncomfortable is to turn tail and run. In order to break free of that habit, you have to face your fear head-on and do what scares you until that fear has no power to stop you at all.

This is the number one most powerful strategy to overcoming social anxiety.

It doesn’t mean simply doing one thing that scares you and then dealing with the consequences—it means working continuously to attack those fear triggers until you no longer see them as insurmountable.

At this point in your life, if you’ve been facing social anxiety for years, that negative voice and that defeated belief pattern is deeply conditioned within you, and you’re going to have to work hard to overcome it.

If you’re uncomfortable making eye contact with people and you’ve been avoiding it for a decade, you’re going to have to make A LOT of eye contact with people before it becomes comfortable. The first time you do it, it’s not going to feel great. Even the thirtieth time you do it, you’re probably not going to feel completely free and confident—but maybe the hundredth time you do it, you will realize that you no longer even think about the discomfort it once caused. You will have conditioned a new, more positive and powerful pattern that serves you and that will allow you to move through your daily routine with less fear.

Even though most people wish there were a magic and immediate silver bullet for social anxiety, the journey toward overcoming deeply ingrained self-doubt will never be an easy one. You have to work continuously, and once in a while, you even have to return to face challenges that you’ve already conquered.

The liberation you will experience once you begin to face that fear, however, is beyond comprehension.

It is a freedom that will provide you with unlimited confidence and allow you to go after what you want in a way you never knew was possible.

I’ve now been working toward ultimate confidence for years, and I still engage in the daily work that helps me to overcome my internal doubts. But I have found a new lease on life that allows me to live every day doing what I love for a living; it has provided me with an amazing wife and two beautiful children; it has provided me with an opportunity to share what I’ve learned and help people on a daily basis. I would not trade that for all of the comfort in the world, and I certainly wouldn’t choose to go back to a life of safe avoidance if given the chance.

Ultimately, the goal is to live the life you want. If you want a loving relationship, you must talk to women and face rejection; if you want success in you career, you have to put yourself out there and take risks that might result in temporary failure. These challenges are daunting, but they are also the only way to achieve greatness and find happiness from the life you’re envisioning for yourself.

This is absolutely possible for you to achieve, and fear has no power to stop you! If you can make the commitment to face the things that scare you, that fear will continue to diminish and eventually disappear. This is how we truly transform our lives to overcome social anxiety and shyness.

As always, I invite you to subscribe to this channel so that you can receive new videos and information as they’re released. 2018 is going to be full of exciting new offerings, so stay involved so that you can be a part of it all! Also, please share your thoughts on this work in the comments below so that I can enjoy your progress and so that your peers can share in your success and become inspired through your breakthroughs!

Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome.