Do you wish you could feel radically different when it comes to confidence in your life? Would you like to know how you can make small, simple daily decisions that will dramatically change your life starting today?
Fact: you don’t need to achieve some major life goal or drastically change who you are to experience growth in your life.
Today, I’m going to share seven simple daily habits that will help affect the way you make decisions in your life so that you can begin to create unstoppable confidence.
Whether you realize it or not, you’re making choices every single day, all day long. These choices profoundly affect the way each day of your life will pan out, and consequently, they will determine the course of your entire life.
So, what are these seven major choices, and how can we learn to recognize them? Let’s dive into the major choice categories, and as we do so, I’d like for you to think about what choices you make on a daily basis that reflect these characterizations.
The first choice you will face throughout your day is “confront or avoid?”
Anytime there is an issue, problem, or challenge in your life, you have to decide whether you will confront it or avoid it. When we choose to confront that thing, we are moving toward the discomfort—this builds confidence, plain and simple.
Whether the confrontation goes well or not, choosing to move toward the discomfort will build up your confidence over time, and choosing to avoid it will diminish your confidence, causing lasting anxiety and a loss of power.
The next choice is “take bold action or to take timid action?”
Once we decide to confront, we can either do so with boldness or with fearfulness.
In life, boldness is rewarded; cowardice is ignored.
This has nothing to do with being a super smooth pick-up artist with great lines—it’s just about you being confident enough to present your best self in a direct way.
Now, once in a while, the choice to be bold may not reward you in the short term. You may get rejected now and then, but it will always reward you in the long run because bold action builds your sense of personal power and self-esteem.
The third choice is “follow through or falter?”
Whatever you commit to in life—a morning routine, finishing a major project, or taking more bold action in social situations—you will have to make a conscious effort to follow through with it until completion.
The trouble here is that it can be very tempting to give in to whatever else is going on when it comes to following through with our commitments: maybe you promised yourself you’d talk to the next person you found attractive, but then let yourself off the hook in the moment because you were “in a hurry”; maybe you committed to speaking up around the boss at work, but stayed quiet because there were too many people in the room.
Allowing yourself to get away with this is just perpetuating a negative cycle of stagnation.
When you follow through on your commitments, however, you can begin to truly depend on your confidence—you will finally be able to trust yourself, and your level of self-esteem will skyrocket because you will know that your word means something, and you will start to see yourself as someone who gets things done!
The fourth choice you will have to make is “preparation or procrastination?”
When it comes to actions that are overwhelming or scary, we may tell ourselves that we’re going to confront it, but then we just put it off to the point that we’re never truly dealing with it. This is, of course, just another form of avoidance . . . but an important one.
Instead of letting that bold action fall by the wayside while we passively wait to develop more confidence, we have a choice in which we can take immediate small daily steps toward that bold action in the form of preparation:
– Totally overwhelmed by your finances? Contact an accountant immediately, or get started by just laying everything out and organizing it.
– Terrified of a presentation at work? Write a script for yourself, and practice it at home until it feels totally natural.
– Chickening out about a tough conversation you need to have? Write out your talking points, and work through them with a trusted friend if necessary.
There is no reason to let procrastination win—just turn that urge to hesitate into an opportunity to prepare, and you’ll be one huge step closer to accomplishing your goal.
The next big choice is “speak up or hold back?”
When you have the chance to make your thoughts heard, you absolutely must take it.
Whether you’re dealing with a big project at work or confronting an issue with a significant other or just having a conversation with friends, one thing is true: if you have the courage to speak up, you will feel better, and if you hold back, you will feel worse.
Suppressing your ideas creates resentment and tension, causing countless problems in both your relationships and your body.
Now, speaking up doesn’t necessarily mean being confrontational (unless that is what you need to do)—it just means being your most authentic self and expressing yourself as your self needs to be expressed.
The next choice is “surrender or choose to be in victim mode resistance?”
Life is full of subjectively disappointing moments and tough situations of varying degrees: we expect something to go a certain way, but it doesn’t go the way we wanted.
In these moments, we tend to feel sad, pessimistic, anxious, or dejected. We have a strong sense of resistance to what’s happened, and we get pouty:
– It shouldn’t have happened like that!
– She shouldn’t be upset with me!
– He should have said yes!
Whatever is happening, our first response is to blame someone else or yourself. In these moments, however, it is far healthier and more productive to simply surrender: “Thank you—I surrender.”
We say “Thank you” to remind ourselves to receive whatever is occurring with an open mind toward greater growth.
Often the events we see as setbacks end up being a blessing in disguise—at worst, they often teach us invaluable lessons.
The willingness to surrender, simultaneously, encompasses so many essential concepts. To begin with, it helps us to express gratitude for life even when we think it’s not going our way. Additionally, it allows our minds to open to new possibilities for our future.
Can you imagine how freeing it would be to live life operating under the acceptance of unexpected turnouts?
This is the key goal of immediate surrender—that we accept both the expected and unexpected as manageable. No, that doesn’t mean that you let yourself quit when quitting seems easy, and it doesn’t mean that you become complacent in pursuing your goals—it simply means that you learn to get over things quickly, change gears, and redirect your energy toward a more productive outlet.
In short, any time you have the chance to surrender in lieu of playing the victim and resisting reality, the better off you will be.
The seventh choice you will have the opportunity to make is “trust or doubt?”
With every decision you make, big or small, you can believe it will have either a positive or negative outcome—your job is to consistently choose the positive mindset.
People who suffer from social anxiety often believe that nothing they try is going to work out for them. This creates a self-perpetuating cycle of defeat. In order to truly see the best possible benefits of the previous six choices, we must place ourselves in a mindset of believing our choices are the right ones. In this way, we set ourselves up for ultimate success and open the door to the most positive energy possible.
Confront the issue; take bold action; follow through; prepare; speak up; surrender; trust.
What if you simply read that list to yourself every morning (or several times a day, if necessary) and used it to guide your choices and behavior? By merely welcoming these strategies into your consciousness throughout the day, they will live in the front of your mind and consistently help you make better decisions.
The more you live by these rules, the better your life will be.
So, let me know what you’re learning from this and how you’re going to apply it in your own life. If you’re enjoying these videos, please subscribe below to receive new episodes as they’re released. You can also check out my podcast, “Shrink for the Shy Guy,” (yes, it is a great resource for women, too!) so that you can hear more in depth coverage of this and other great topics. In the meantime, please continue to share your experiences in the comments below so that we can all rise and grow together.
Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome.