Picture this: you’ve been working hard to increase your confidence for some time—you’re watching the videos, reading the books, practicing the techniques (maybe even attending Confidence University), and you’re feeling great about your progress. Maybe you even feel like you’re ready to take on the world!
But there’s one thing that’s holding you back from taking that final leap into total confidence: you’re worried that people will notice the change in you and judge you for it.
Too often we shut down our own progress and growth because we’re too focused on whether other people are ready for it.
This subject came up recently in a Mastermind group discussion. One of my weekend retreat attendees had experienced some major breakthroughs and was feeling like a new man—he felt like he was experiencing his true self for the first time in his life.
When he returned home, he was engaging with others like he’d never done before: talking passionately, greeting strangers, giving high-fives—he was on a roll! But then, he started to doubt himself:
“What are my friends and colleagues going to think when I come back from a weekend away acting like a completely different person?”
Can you relate to that feeling? Have you had this fear before?
It’s totally understandable: you’ve been going about life in one fashion for decades now. As a result, various defense mechanisms will probably pop up in response to your bold new way of viewing the world. Does that mean that you should give into them?
You did not come here to worry more about what other people think.
Why are you here? Why are you watching these videos and reading these articles and working so hard to develop your confidence? Because you WANT to change!
You began this journey seeking a radical transformation—whether you were simply afraid of public speaking or so socially handicapped that you couldn’t step outside your front door, you sought help because social anxiety (i.e.: a fear of what other people think) was severely affecting your life and overall happiness.
You came here to become free to be yourself; you came here to develop the confidence to pursue your passion; you came here to learn how to go after what you want and express yourself in ways that will make others stand up and take notice.
Now that you’ve reached the goal line, it’s time to accept the simple truth: you no longer have a choice.
Before seeking guidance, you made the choice to stay hidden, quiet, and safe. Now that you’ve lifted the veil, however, and seen what it’s like to live life with freedom and confidence, it would be far too excruciating to go back to the way things were before.
You can’t throw shade over your inner light just because you’re worried someone else will do it for you. Instead, you have to own your transformation!
If someone notices that you’re acting differently and comments on it, just smile, appreciate the acknowledgment of your hard work, and say, “Yeah, I’m experimenting with something.”
That’s it. You don’t owe anybody anything more than that. If you choose to share the circumstances of your transformation, that is up to you—my goal is to help as many people as possible through this channel, so share away—but you don’t have to.
You can simply say, “Well, I’m feeling very energetic today,” or “I’m sick of missing out on life, so I’m experimenting with being more outgoing,” or “I’ve been wanting to connect and have more fun lately.”
Any one-liner you choose is fine.
It’s okay to acknowledge the fact that you know your transformation was sudden and dramatic.
Think about it: who’s going to think negatively of you for wanting to have more fun?
Only the worst kind of person would judge you negatively for that, and that
isn’t the kind of person you want or need in your new life.
You do not have to conform to the preconceived notions of others just to preserve familiarity.
Your only responsibility is to yourself, your life, and your happiness. Be you—one hundred percent you. Other people will adapt to the change more quickly than you think.
There is no shame in growth; there is no shame in rapid transformation.
Stand your ground and let your bold transformation shine! In reality, people will respect you for it, be drawn to you because of it, and wand to learn how to do it by watching you.
You have nothing to hide—you can be you!
If you feel as though you’d like some more community support to supplement the amazing work you’re doing, please check out my new FREE Facebook group, Confidence Warriors. You can access it easily by clicking the link below. In the meantime, though, please share your thoughts with this work below: Have you dealt with a fear of others noticing your transformation? What are some one-liners that have worked for you? We’re all here to grow together and learn from one-another, so let’s see some comments!
Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome.