Discover What Avoidance Really Leads To And How To Turn It Around Now
Do you have the confidence to go after what you want in life? Do you sense that you’re avoiding action because of fear? Maybe, you feel that you’re holding yourself back or struggling to find the motivation you need to move forward.
We all have desire that makes us say, “If I could just get this one thing, everything else would fall into place.” The problem is that we often create obstacles around these desires that help us to avoid taking action. Today, we’re going to cover one simple strategy that can make the difference between feeling completely stuck and breaking through to ever increasing levels of success in the areas that matter most to you.
To start, imagine one area of your life in which you’d like to make some major changes. It could be in your dating life, work life, or your social life, but choose one. We’re going to start to define some variables that we will use to get you where you need to be, so bear with me here. . . .
I’m going to discuss this topic using “variables,” and just like in math, these variables are going to represent various unknowns.
Variable A is going to represent what you want. If you’re looking at your dating life, for example, your variable A might be to find an amazing girlfriend; if you’re looking at your work life, variable A might be a promotion you’d like to receive or a sales goal . . . so on and so forth.
Now let’s look at variable B: variable B is everything you don’t want to experience when you think about going after variable A—rejection, embarrassment, disappointment . . . “failure.”
So, now we have everything you want to achieve in life and everything that is holding you back from achieving it . . . what about variable C?
Variable C is where you end up when you concentrate exclusively on avoiding variable B.
Why am I bothering to break this down using mathematical language? Because there is a flaw in our logic that does not compute, and sometimes it helps to think about these things from an unemotional perspective.
Often, when we see something we want, we will imagine ourselves trying to achieve it. In doing so, we imagine what could go wrong—we say, “I want these things, but if I go after them, I want to avoid these other things in the process. If I stay away from the negative things, I will naturally get the positive things!” The flaw here is that avoiding variable B does not necessarily get you to variable A. This is why I’ve had to involve variable C.
Let’s take the relationship example: If you want to find an amazing girlfriend (variable A), but you refuse to risk embarrassment, discomfort or rejection (possible B variables), where do you think you will end up? Can you even meet an amazing woman without putting yourself out there and introducing yourself? No. So you end up alone (variable C).
Avoiding B will not get you to A. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to make it work—avoidance does not produce results. Hence variable C: no man’s land; loneliness; stagnation.
Do you see what I’m getting at? Variable C is important in this equation because it helps us to see where we’re actually headed. Avoiding what you fear is not the way to reach your goals. If you want to go after what you want, you have to act in pursuit of the goal.
The natural next question at this point might be something like, “But how?! I’ve been avoiding B for so long that I’m not sure I know another way.”
Well, let’s continue down the path we’ve laid with our variables. Take your specific variable B and give it a number on a scale of 1 to 10—1 being super comfortable and happy; 10 being insanely miserable.
Back to our first example of relationships: if your variable B is rejection, then you might look at a blunt, “I’m not interested,” as a 9.9 out of 10 on the misery scale. In other words, you’re going to try to avoid it.
Well, let me ask you this: what’s your number for variable C . . . the place where you live right now?
Think about that for a second. Start by asking yourself where the avoidance of variable B has gotten you, then give it a number on the misery scale. If you’re being honest, it’s probably less intense than your number for variable B—you might be at a 4 or a 5 because we accustom ourselves to loneliness or jealousy over time (the supposed variable C’s for relationships).
So you may be thinking to yourself, This is a no-brainer! I’d much rather experience a 4 than a 9.9! But now, I’d like you to consider how much misery you experience from variable C every single day.
Imagine how often someone who wants an amazing relationship might experience variable C on a daily basis (and remember—we only experience variable C by avoiding variable B!). This person refuses to risk discomfort or rejection, so he has to see other people holding hands as they walk down the street; he has to dream about going on a date with every pretty woman he sees; he has to watch as other guys get kissed on the cheek at restaurants and coffee shops.
This guy has to go through his entire day surrounded by reminders that he doesn’t have what he wants most in life. Even if his variable C ranks a 2 on the misery scale, just five experiences like this per day will put him over top. Think about how much misery he’ll have saved up after an entire year.
Hopefully, you’re starting to see what I’m getting at here, but I’ll break it down anyway. Even if variable C is more “comfortable” than variable B, you have to live in it every minute of every day, and that adds up to a lot more misery.
In short, you’ve got to go for what you want in life and stop avoiding what you don’t want—you have to solve for A. Start thinking of variable B as your medicine . . . sure, it tastes bad, but it’s going to heal you and make you strong so that you can get back on your feet again!
Not only will this mentality get you to variable A faster than you ever thought possible, your life will start to open up, and you will start to experience a sense of power, freedom, excitement, and joy that can only come from being unburdened of your fears.
I love to know how these practices are working out for you, so please stay connected by sharing your experiences in the comments below. How is your variable B holding you back, and how has realizing your variable C allowed you to free yourself of the fear of rejection? You can also “like,” subscribe and check out other episodes of the show using the available links. The more you learn this stuff, the more you start to live it and allow it to become a part of who you are.
Until we meet again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome.