Are you stuck? Do you live your life dreaming of the day that you’ll finally have more money or better relationships, but find that you’re still in the same place you were five, ten, or even twenty years ago?
Today, we’re going to be discussing a detrimental holdup to your success. This pitfall is especially vicious because it presents itself in the form of a confidence booster.
What is this tricky beast? Living in a fantasy world.
We all do this from time to time: we picture the things we want and allow ourselves to live in that ideal (albeit imaginary) reality. And that’s not wrong! Imagining your ideal future and getting specific about your goals is a key part of getting what you want in life. The problem comes when that vision is indulged absent of the driving force of decisive, bold action.
Without initiative, ambition is just make-believe.
Let me give you an example. My wife likes to do these workouts at home on her laptop. While she’s doing them, our three- and five-year-old sons like to watch and play along. Lately, though, my older son has started to stand and merely watch the three instructors—they each perform the moves at a different level of difficulty, and he likes to imagine that he’s the strongest instructor doing the most difficult moves. My wife encourages him to join in, but instead, he just stands there and says, “I’m THAT one!”
Think about this: he could be having fun, exercising his body, bonding with his family, and getting some serious endorphins pumping . . . but instead, he’s just imagining that he’s this cool, strong guy; he’s picturing movement, but he’s standing still; he’s so busy thinking, that he’s failing to act.
He’s living in a fantasy.
When we live in a fantasy, we tell ourselves that it’s all going to magically work out all on its own. The issue there is that any fantasy worth imagining requires a lot of hard work.
Regardless of the way you picture your life getting better, I can guarantee that getting there is going to demand that you attack it from a place of confidence and bold action—this takes a lot of inner personal work. The trap we fall into arises when we imagine that we can reap the rewards of our dreams without working on our social skills and self-acceptance.
This was a pitfall I hit several times as a young adult. I’d imagine that everything was going to be different because of outside forces:
- “I’m going to a new school! I’ll get to start all over, and it’ll be great!”
- “I’m moving to a new city and starting college! I can finally reinvent myself and start a new life!”
Sure, it was lovely to imagine that new life, but what I didn’t realize at the time was that I had to take myself along with me into each new setting and experience.
Are you picturing a new job? A new relationship? A new city? Great! But remember that you’re going to bring yourself into it—not some idealized reboot of you.
If you’re not happy with you, then nothing is ever going to change—no matter how hard you picture it.
If you want to see the results you’re picturing in your mind, then you’re going to have to get uncomfortable: you’re going to have to push your boundaries, step outside of your comfort zone, look inward, and take tangible steps toward your goal through strong actions.
Don’t worry—this does not have to be as terrifying as it sounds! There are tons of resources out there to help you through your roadblocks and guide you toward success. For starters, you can check out my website, SocialConfidenceCenter.com, where you can find links to several starter tools, including my book, Not Nice, my free ebook, Five Steps to Unleash Your Inner Confidence, and a variety of intensive programs designed to help you break free of your inhibitions and reclaim your confident inner badass.
The life you’re imagining for yourself IS within reach—but only if you’re willing to work for it! Educate yourself, take the initiative, do the things that scare you, and make bold action a part of your daily life.
In the meantime, I invite you to share your thoughts and questions below: What fantasies to you want to make a reality in your own life? What steps could you take starting today that would help them come to fruition? What is holding you back from taking this action? I love to hear about your real-life successes and learning moments because they all help our community to learn and grow together—so please contribute your wisdom so that we can take all giant leaps in our journey to inner confidence!
Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome.
- How To End Self-Criticism And Self-Doubt NOW - July 9, 2020
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- Why Trying To Impress People Never Works (…And What To Do Instead!) - June 25, 2020