Free Yourself From Blaming Others To Gain Massive Self-Confidence
Do you find that you often feel frustrated with other people for not doing what you want them to do? Do you blame them in your head for not doing what you expect of them?
Believe it or not, this pattern of thought can subtly bleed your confidence and put you in a position of decreased power, both personally and professionally.
Sadly, the mental blame game is something we all resort to once in a while—I like to call it “Blame Bot Malware.” Today, we’re going to discuss how to break out of this poisonous mentality so that you can take charge of your life and go after the things you want.
I like the term Blame Bot Malware because it calls upon an image of something we can all relate to: malicious programming that can damage or take advantage of an otherwise well-functioning system. As we all know, malware is the stuff the gets on your computer and causes all sorts of problems (slowness, pop-ups, crashes, etc.), and I believe that Blame Bot is a malware that could be running in our operating systems.
Here’s how Blame Bot Malware works: we approach a given situation, and if we don’t like it, our first response is to find someone to blame for it.
Let’s say I walk into my kitchen and it’s a mess. If I’m running Blame Bot malware, my first thought is that my wife should’ve cleaned the kitchen . . . even though we usually share the responsibility, in my head at that moment, it’s her fault.
Here’s another example: a client of mine has been frustrated at work because he’s not being challenged by the projects they’re giving him. In his mind, the stuff he’s assigned with is fit for someone right out of school, and he’s earned a crack at something more exciting. His Blame Bot Malware is pointing a finger at his boss: He’s giving me the wrong work; He doesn’t take me seriously; He doesn’t value me. It’s not fair!
Here’s where we run into a big problem: It’s not fair.
When we’re looking for someone to blame, we’re basically throwing our power out the window. We’re putting ourselves in the role of a helpless child who wants everything to be fair.
A child is powerless. He may have a mommy and daddy who come to his rescue when other kids are hogging the toys, but he’s got no tools for fixing his problems on his own. When we place ourselves in that role, we are expecting someone else to fix our problems for us . . . we are not the adults in our own lives. This mentality is not going to serve you or your ambitions.
Going back to the previous examples, if I approach my wife with that energy—blaming her for something I don’t like—how do you think that’s going to work out for me? If my client goes into his boss’s office, blames him for making him feel undervalued and complains about how unfair it is, do you think that’s going to get him the results he wants?
No. It’s not.
When you say the phrase, “That’s not fair,” you’re subconsciously labelling yourself (and asking others to label you) as someone without any power. You’re informing them that you don’t know how to deal with situations on your own.
So what can you do?
It starts with noticing when you’re running Blame Bot Malware. You need to recognize that you’re about to handle a situation ineffectively. The next step is actually using the term Blame Bot Malware in your own head. That’s the reason I gave it such a silly name: it made me smile!
When I walk into a messy kitchen and start getting all frustrated, I can immediately tell myself that I’m running Blame Bot Malware, and I instantly start laughing. It’s just so ridiculous that it makes me smile. On top of that, I make the immediate connection that malware can’t be good for my brain if it’s not very good for my computer. At that point, I can take a step back, ask myself what’s really going on, and assess what I can do to remedy the situation as a responsible adult.
More often than not, when we’re running Blame Bot Malware, it’s because we’re stuck in a situation of doing something we don’t want to do: I don’t want to clean, but I hate being in a messy kitchen.
We have to get to a place from which we can think rationally and solve the problems in front of us without blame. If I’m free of Blame Bot Malware, I can sit down with my wife and have a normal conversation about how her day went without freaking out about the kitchen. If my client isn’t running Blame Bot Malware, he can sit down with his boss and let him know how excited he is about certain projects the company is taking on and make it known that he’d love to be a part of them.
When we’re not running Blame Bot Malware, we’re able to realize that people can’t read our minds. You can’t blame anyone for not being able to predict your every need in advance. You can, however, assess your own needs in a given situation and figure out the best way to go about going after them.
If you can begin to apply this strategy of removing malware from your life, you will feel more powerful, create deeper personal connections, and foster better business relationships.
So, where do you notice yourself playing the blame game, and how have you been able to switch off that malware and take back the responsibility in your life? Share your experiences in the comments below so that we can continue to learn from each other and grow toward our best possible selves. You can also feel free to subscribe, like, or watch additional episodes via the available links. No matter what you do, keep learning and working on this stuff, and you’ll be amazed at the changes you will see in every area of your life!
Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and know on a deep level that you’re awesome.