What if you were on your own side, no matter what? What would your life be like if you could remain compassionate and kind with yourself even if you made a mistake or if something didn’t go your way or if you got rejected?
If that sounds like a dream come to life, then stay tuned . . . because today we’re going to be discussing how to make this hypothetical a reality in your life.
In fact, this episode is the first in a five-part series that’s all about self-esteem!
Recently, I’ve been getting a lot of questions during both group masterminds and individual sessions about self-esteem. As a result, I’ve decided to share the hottest, most cutting-edge principles related to the topic that have been coming out of these programs, and I’m going to do it for free.
Self-esteem is all about how you see, relate to, and feel about yourself.
Do you like yourself? Do you believe that others think you are valuable and that your company is worthwhile? Your answers to these questions affect everything about your physical and mental state—how you show up mentally on a daily basis; how you move and carry yourself; what you do and don’t say; even whether you’re comfortable making eye contact with other people—and these qualities, in turn, affect every aspect of your life.
Your self-esteem is the foundation of your career, social life, romantic life, and every other area of your life that you might be able to come up with. In other words: it’s extremely important.
So, any solution to self-esteem issues is going to be a bit involved. As mentioned above, we’re going to be discussing five different aspects of self-esteem, and in this first part, we’ll be talking about deciding to be on your own side.
If making the decision to be on your own side sounds easy, that’s because it is. Just like with any commitment—a decision to start working out more or to go into business for one’s self or to start eating healthier—you’re eventually going to need to do your research to figure out the steps you’ll take, then follow through with your promise to yourself. That initial step, though—the decision—is simple.
In that moment where you decide to change, your desire becomes your new reality. You want something, and you go after it.
Before you can make strides toward increased self-esteem, you need to make a decision: you need to commit to being on your own side, no matter what.
Take a moment right now to do just that—to make that decision. Put down whatever you’re reading this on and commit to your own success. What do you notice once you’ve done that? Is there any resistance to this decision? Are you questioning yourself or fighting it in anyway? If so, take another moment to slow down and ask yourself “Why?”
What are you fighting against? What negative result do you think you’ll see if you decide to be on your own side? Is it dangerous or selfish or self-indulgent? What story are you telling yourself about why you shouldn’t take this leap?
Regardless of why you might be fighting this, the truth is that there is nothing bad that can come from you doing something to improve your state of mind and wellbeing. The more on your own side you are, the more loving, powerful, generous and aware of your surroundings you will become—you will literally become an all-around better human being who is able to bring more value into the world.
Consider the alternative for a moment: when you’re not on your own side, you become extremely self-absorbed: all you can think about is how people see you as you obsess over every little thing that happens to you throughout the day. It becomes almost impossible to focus on anything but yourself.
When you trust and believe in yourself, and when you stop beating yourself up for every little thing that goes wrong, you have room in your mind and heart to focus outward and have a more positive impact on the world.
Let’s try an exercise right here and now: imagine that it’s ten years in the future, and you’ve changed nothing—you’ve had ten extra years of beating up on yourself, criticizing yourself and getting frustrated and angry with yourself every day. How does it feel to imagine that scenario?
Where do you see yourself ending up under these conditions? Let’s say, by some miracle, you’ve been able to achieve one of your goals or find success, even with that mindset . . . is it good enough? Are you truly happy living in constant self-doubt? Now, think about all of the things you’ll miss out on. More likely than not, this mindset will lead you to stagnation in every aspect of your life, because when you tell yourself that you don’t deserve love or success, eventually you start to believe it.
Think about all of the things you will choose not to try, even though you have the potential to do them. Think about all of the people you’ll never connect with—the love interests and friendships you’ll miss out on—because you were too dejected to fight for your right to happiness.
Now let go of that imagery. Take a deep breath. Release the tension that may have accumulated in your body, and reverse the scenario: it’s ten years from this date and you’ve spent that entire time being on your own side. What do you see? Sure, it may have initially taken a few months to get accustomed to your new mindset, but you’re now a master of self-assuredness—you know intuitively what it means to be on your own side.
Imagine what that feels like: to know that, no matter what—no matter how many mistakes or rejections or failures you encounter—you are still a valuable human being who deserves and understands how to treat himself with respect, love, patience and compassion.
In this scenario, you honor who you are; you have a healthier perspective on life; you actually like and appreciate who you are.
In this scenario, you are able to see amazing potential in yourself even though you are grateful for what you’ve already accomplished. You recognize your value, despite your flaws.
Can you imagine this life for yourself? A world in which you are on your own side one hundred percent of the time, no matter what—it’s there for the taking . . . but you need to decide to reach out and take it.
This is the moment to make your decision to be on your own side no matter what. Don’t concern yourself with how you’re going to make it happen—we’ll get there later. Just take this moment for yourself and decide that it’s your time to own your confidence; it’s your time to own your self-esteem and your path in life.
In our upcoming videos and posts, we’ll be diving deeper into this training . . . but you’ll never be able to jump aboard successfully if you don’t make the decision to change your mindset now. Please join me on this journey—check out my program, The Confidence Code, or read one of the million books on the subject (Nathaniel Branden’s The Six Pillars of Self Esteem is a good one) if you want a jump start—and discover your true potential as someone who understands his own value and exudes self-esteem.
As always, please feel free to share your thoughts and questions in the comments below. What’s holding you back from making the decision to commit to yourself? Where do you see yourself in ten years if you’re able to get on your own side? Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome. I’ll talk to you soon.