How To Rapidly Dissolve Self-Doubt
Are you often held back by self-doubt? Do you question your abilities or second-guess yourself when making decisions? Do you hold back when it comes to dating and personal relationships?
Today is all about overcoming self-doubt in every single area of life. If you are a human being, then you probably know self-doubt fairly well. After all, even the most confident people in the world experience self-doubt.
Even though self-doubt is part of being human, we don’t want it to cripple us . . . and yet, that’s exactly what it does. If you thought about it for a moment, you could probably come up with at least a few examples of times when you allowed self-doubt to hold you back from accomplishing various goals.
Take that moment now, and choose one time when you felt crippled (even a little) by self-doubt. It might be in your professional, personal, or social life, but choose one.
Typically, what happens as you think about that one thing is that the voice of self-doubt arises. In that case, there’s one mistake that most people make: they start to communicate with that voice. They argue with it and challenge it as though it holds validity:
Self-doubt: No one is going to buy your product
Self: Why not? It’s a good product?
Self-doubt: Says you.
Self: Plenty of people would want to buy it.
Self-doubt: You’re kidding yourself.
Maybe it looks like this:
Self: I really like that girl. I’m going to go talk to her.
Self-doubt: She’s WAY out of your league.
Self: No she’s not. I’m as worthy of her attention as any other guy here.
Self-doubt: You’re not nearly as good looking as most of these guys, and you probably don’t make as much money.
Self: Maybe I’ll just wait and see if she notices me.
Somehow, we always allow the voice of self-doubt to win the debate. We allow it to hold us back from going after the things we want.
What we have to realize is that reasoning with the negative voices in your head does not work. Attempting to reason with your self-doubt will always fail because we subconsciously want it to win.
Think about it: if self-doubt wins, we are allowed to remain in our comfort zone, where we feel safe. We don’t push boundaries; we don’t stretch ourselves; in other words, we stagnate.
If you actually want to learn how to breakthrough self-doubt forever, start by acknowledging that self-doubt is not mental . . . it’s emotional. It’s the result of a wounded part of us that needs love and healing. This is the reason that, even when we think we’ve won a mental battle with self-doubt, it still pops back up in other areas of our lives even stronger than before.
You can’t heal a wound with more fighting, so stop thinking that engaging in battles with your self-doubt is going to fix the problem.
Once you’ve accepted that your issues with self-doubt are emotional, you can start to tackle them effectively: acknowledge your self-doubt and begin to feel where in your body that self-doubt lives; breathe deeply and focus your attention on that spot; then accept your self-doubt and send it unconditional love.
Here’s the thing: self-doubt is a lot like a scared, helpless child. You wouldn’t waste your time trying to reason with a scared and exasperated child, would you? No. You would hold it and speak calmly to it, and let it know it was loved and cared for until it realized there was really nothing to fear.
It’s the exact same thing with self-doubt. When I feel self-doubt, I feel it in my solar plexus (the area at the base of your chest, just below your diaphragm). I feel the self-doubt, imagine it as a freaked out child, and send it my love.
Once in a while, I’ll even thank this personification of self-doubt. He’s not completely useless, after all: he keeps me savvy, for example, when I have a “gut feeling” about certain risky situations; he stops me from running across a four-lane freeway to get to the other side faster than using the crosswalk. We don’t want to get rid of our checks-and-balances system altogether . . . but, at times, it can be way more than we need.
In short, when you notice self-doubt creeping into the conversation, consider what it’s saying quickly enough to know if it’s common sense talking or the scared child—if it’s the latter, treat it just as you would an hysterical four-year-old trying to butt his way into any adult conversation, and send it to bed with your love and a warm glass of milk.
If you’ve enjoyed this episode of The Art of Extraordinary Confidence, please feel free to “like,” share or subscribe below. I also encourage you to continue your growth by checking out previous episodes and diving into a practice of confidence. The best thing you can do is to share how you’ve grown through this practice in the comments below. We learn from the experiences of our peers as much as we do from our own, so please take a chance and offer some wisdom of your own by letting me know how this work has affected you.
Thank you for listening, and I look forward to speaking with you in future episodes. Until we do, may you have the courage to be who are and know on a deep level that you’re awesome.
I’ll talk to you soon.