Eliminate This One Toxic Habit That Is Smashing Your Confidence
Do you discount your achievements? Do you downplay your strengths and undervalue your life accomplishments?
If you are constantly doubting your own abilities, you are in major trouble . . . that’s why I’m taking today to discuss ways in which you can begin to shift that mindset so that you can fully own your greatness and feel proud of who you are.
We’re going to start by discussing what I like to call “discounting.”
When I refer to discounting, I am talking about any time you take a small step forward or do something very well and then dump all over it—you tell yourself it’s not a big deal or remove some of its powerful emotional empowerment.
We’re all guilty of this. I see it constantly in my clients (and I even do it myself from time to time despite all the work I’ve done with self-confidence).
It’s often very easy to see this in others:
- We notice friends who get shy or embarrassed when receiving a compliment
- We hear co-workers downplaying their great ideas
- We see presenters pull a face after an effective speech
These are all very obvious to us from an objective standpoint, but noticing these trends in ourselves can be tricky . . . and there’s a reason for this:
We think that if we give ourselves credit for the progress that we’re making, we’re going to stop moving forward.
To imagine that you will become complacent just because you’ve taken one small step forward in reaching your goals is a non-sequitur—it comes from a limited and inaccurate perception of how we motivate ourselves as human beings.
Whatever your goal is, you know that achieving it will give you some sort of emotional satisfaction:
- If you get more fit, you will feel attractive
- If you get a significant other, you will feel loved
- If you get the promotion, you will feel worthy
You dangle that feeling in front of yourself like a carrot, and tell yourself that once you reach a certain point, you can have it.
When we practice discounting, we move that carrot an inch further away.
We deny ourselves that feeling because we are afraid that experiencing it too early will make us less likely to succeed—we think denying ourselves will keep us motivated.
The scary thing is that it’s very easy to convince ourselves that this actually works. After all, we’re seeing changes externally, and we do keep trying. Internally, however, we feel nervous, anxious, self-critical, and unsatisfied.
That’s not success. In a big way, actually, it’s failure. In any case, it’s certainly not an ideal form of motivational fuel.
Therefore, we must shift that mindset in order to accommodate an energy that’s actually going to motivate you.
To begin with, we must choose differently. We must notice this pattern of thought, acknowledge that it’s not working for us as perfectly as we’d like, and decide that we’re not going to discount ourselves anymore:
I’m not going to discount myself anymore. I’m not going to dismiss my achievements, my strengths, my positive qualities, or the progress that I’m making toward my goals.
The next step is focusing on your forward movement and highlighting it in your mind.
Let’s say your sales goal is $100,000 per year and you reach $7,000 the first month. Sure, you’re not exactly on track to reach $100,000 by the end of the year at that pace, but you’ve actually taken a huge step toward reaching the goal. Instead of focusing on the gap, focus on the fact that you did some amazing work to be able to sell $7,000 in just four weeks:
Whoa, what did I do to create $7,000 in sales this month?! That was awesome. Good job, me!
Don’t dismiss your progress! Focus on it and amplify it!
That fuel is infinitely more powerful than self-denial.
Think about it: when you focus on something you’ve accomplished and allow yourself to feel good about it, doesn’t that inspire you to go do more? It energizes you and makes the next actions you take incredibly powerful.
Getting to that place of power all starts with recognizing the habit of discounting within yourself . . . so take a few moments over the next couple of days and root out that subconscious pattern so that you can begin to consciously shift it:
Uh oh—I’m discounting again. Good job, me, for catching myself! I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m done with that. Here’s what I want to do instead . . .
The more you can catch yourself in the act of discounting, the easier it will be to stop yourself from doing it, and the sooner you will be able to reverse that pattern of behavior. When you can do this, you will feel your energy lift higher than you ever thought possible, and you will see the path toward your goals open up in front of your eyes.
Please feel free to “like,” subscribe, and share your thoughts below. Where have you noticed discounting in your life, and what are you going to do differently in the future? What’s the most valuable lesson you’ve learned pertaining to achieving your goals? We learn from each other as much as we learn from our own experiences, so let’s all share and help each other out! I love hearing what you have to offer, and I’m even planning on answering some FAQs in future videos—so if you have a question for me, throw it down in the comments below, and you might just see me reference it in a future session!
Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome.
- Are You Afraid To Ask For What You Want? - April 12, 2021
- How To Ask For What You Want - April 5, 2021
- If You’re Too Nice And Worried About Other People’s Feelings… - March 29, 2021
Dr. Aziz, I appreciate your videos and subscribe on YouTube. My question to you is, how can a person, who’s dealing with disease & physical disability, overcome fear and develop confidence?
Many people with disabilities feel that we’re not being seen or heard or even taken seriously. Some talk down to us, treat us like children, idiots, or fools. Sometimes their actions are very visible. Other times we transfer our own negative thoughts onto others, because it does happen so frequently. And then we become so self-conscious that we think others no longer really see us, only our limitations. How can we – How can I – overcome this toxic mindset? Thank you.
It seems like there’s a conflict between finding things in common with someone else to make friends with them, like Paul Sanders talks about, and doing things that are different from them to expand your comfort zone and be confident and burn out your embarrassment circuit. How do you resolve that?
Hello Doctor, I really enjoyed the lesson.My question is should I feel good within myself when people praise me for certain achievements I make even though I didn’t perform well to the point I was expecting? Many a time when such things happens I just feel within myself that the people are just flattering me.