The One Thing You Must Do To Radically Increase Her Desire
Do you sometimes get the feeling that women aren’t interested in dating you? Do you feel as though you always get put in the “friend zone”?
Today we’re going to look at how to become more attractive to women. This is a huge topic, and we could probably spend a month discussing it, so I’m not going to attempt to cover the whole kit and caboodle in one discussion.
In this episode, however, you’re going to learn something that I think will completely change the way in which you approach women.
Like so many things in life, the way in which we approach a situation—the energy with which we enter the interaction—is just as important (maybe more so) than what is done and said within it. What I have found with many of my clients is that there is this universal tendency to approach an attractive member of the opposite sex with an energy of desperation and neediness. I say “member of the opposite sex” because this tendency goes both ways . . . so for any women who may be seeking the same advice, please know that this applies to persons of both genders when seeking the attention of someone they admire.
The long and short of it is this: desperation is not sexy. Approaching anyone with this sort of energy is almost never going to work out in your favor.
At best, you’ll get one or two dates out of the person before he or she starts to pull away.
There are two main issues here:
- You’re denying this person the chance to get to know who you truly are so that you can begin to build a substantial relationship;
- Your energy is screaming, “I need [attention, love, approval] from you—give it to me now.”
Now, what is the natural human reaction to being told, “Give it to me”?NO!
You see it in children all the time: one is playing with a toy, another tries to come get it from him, and absolute chaos ensues. We are the same way as adults (albeit a bit more sophisticated).
No one wants to be told how to feel or think. In fact, being asked to feel or think a certain way often tends to make us want to do the exact opposite.
Sadly, the more you like a person, the more likely you are to emit this energy around him or her in ever increasing amounts.
You overthink everything you’re going to say; you filter your thoughts and words to the point of mental impotence; you tell yourself that this is the best opportunity you’re ever going to have and that you’d better not mess it up.
You put so much pressure on yourself that you make it almost impossible to succeed.
So, how can you free yourself of that mindset so that you can allow the real you to shine and connect in a meaningful way to another human being?
The first thing you must do is get a handle on whatever self-esteem issues are holding you to that mindset—the part of you that believes you’re not good enough for this person and that you need to win his or her approval. If this is a major issue for you in your daily life, you might consider checking out my programs, The Confidence Code and 30 Days to Dating Mastery. Both modules deal with the specific ways in which you think about and approach the would around you so that you can adjust that mentality over time and bring success and fulfillment into your life.
No matter which way you slice it, however, you must begin to get control over your self-image. You must begin to see yourself in a much better light than the one in which you’ve been viewing yourself up to this point . . . because whatever light you build around yourself, that’s the light others are going to see around you as well.
What I hear a lot from clients is that one woman or another is
“out of their league.”
The truth is that there is no league—you deserve the chance to go after whatever or whomever you want.
You must approach these situations from a place of power, knowing that you have as much of a right to approach a beautiful woman as the next guy. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or good-looking or charming—you deserve to be happy!
Relationships are built around how you make another person feel. If you make the object of your affections feel excited or important or significant or loved or accepted, he or she is going to want to keep you around. Period.
If you take anything away from this, you must let go of the idea that anyone is better than you.
Let’s just level the playing field here for a minute: we are all human beings—we all sweat; we all have to deal with morning breath; we all sit on the toilet a few times a day. When you approach someone you like, just take a second to remind yourself of that and treat him or her like a normal person.
Once you’ve brought the situation back into the realm of reality, you can begin to approach the person you desire with an energy of generosity rather than greed.
You will almost always come up with better results when you approach a situation with something to give instead of something to get. In the case of dating, it’s as simple as showing up with something to add to the conversation: your curiosity, your attention, your opinions, your humor. You don’t have to have an amazing story; you don’t have to know anything about the topic; you don’t even have to agree with what is being said—you just have to bring yourself. Your very presence is enough to affect what is going on around you, so trust that it is enough and allow it to exist freely.
Once you are in the conversation, remember that you have the right to be there! Challenge what he or she says if you don’t agree; tease the person a little if it feels right; get passionate about your opinions and rock the boat a little.
What this all comes down to is that you have to be comfortable bringing your honest self into these interactions. Sure, it might feel nice to avoid conflict and try to please the person at every turn, but think down the road a little. Even if he or she doesn’t get bored after the first date, what’s life going to look like a year down the road? What’s it going to look like five years down the road? Twenty? Assuming you are in this to find and create meaningful relationships, that all begins with finding someone to match you. The real you. The more of yourself you can bring into the conversation from moment one, the better off you both will be.
If it doesn’t work out, it’s probably because he or she is not right for you . . . and that’s alright! There is always another opportunity around the corner and another chance to strike up a great conversation with someone amazing.
Again, if you’re seeking guided and detailed help with self-esteem, talking to women, flirting and generating attraction, and actually enjoying dates, you have to look in to 30 Days to Dating Mastery. Regardless of whether you join this program, if you get out there and start approaching these interactions with a newfound energy, you will start to get results.
How has dropping the desperation and neediness in your approach worked for you?
What specific actions have you taken to help lead you in this direction? Share your stories below so that we can continue to learn from each other and grow as a community!
Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome. I’ll talk to you soon.