Eliminate Self-Doubt And Start Enjoying Your Relationship Now
Are you shy around your own girlfriend? Do you tend to hold back, hesitate, and question yourself around her? Are you intimidated when it comes to sharing your real needs and desires?
If so, stick with me, because in this episode, we’re going to delve into releasing these feelings so that you can remain confident around your girlfriend and form a deep and meaningful relationship.
Confidence is the foundation of all success, and today we’re going to be looking at relationship confidence . . . because it’s a subject that comes up a lot.
Many people think that once you get past the first few dates and become exclusive that you can rest easy and sail off into the sunset together.
There’s always another relationship hurdle to leap in our minds:
- Various stages of intimacy, testing the boundaries of personal time, living together, saying “I love you,” marriage proposal, etc.
- And for each one of these subcategories of forward movement, a certain amount of trepidation accompanies it.
Probably the most intimidating of these for just about everyone is getting comfortable with the other person sexually.
A lot of people are shy when it comes to sex, so letting the other person know what you want—or being able to talk during sex at all—is terrifying. In response to the fear, we shut our mouths, put our game faces on and plow through it (pardon the pun).
While this is better than no sex at all, it’s hardly ideal . . . and it’s definitely not any fun.
So, how can we move past our fear of all of these hurdles (even sex) so that we can become completely confident and comfortable around our significant others?
First thing’s first: you have to be willing to take risks. The good news is that if you have a girlfriend, you’ve probably already taken some sort of risk.
After all, you wouldn’t be in a relationship if you hadn’t approached her or talked to her or asked her out on a date—any one of those moves takes guts.
The bad news is that we, as humans, don’t like to take risks. At best, we’re willing to take a few small risks just to get a piece of what we want . . . but then we tend to want to kick up our heels and play it safe.
I’ve got what I wanted; no reason to press my luck
The problem here is that once you start to coast, you eventually lose steam and end up rolling to a standstill. And if your girlfriend isn’t coasting, she’s eventually going to fly right past you and move on.
We can’t play it safe in this life. This isn’t just a matter of relationships—it’s about creating a life worth living. When you reach a boundary of comfort, you must think of it as a literal wall that is holding you back from experiencing all that life has to offer.
If you knew there was a wall standing between you and a happier life, would you just turn around and walk away? NO! You’d grab a sledge hammer and start swinging!
So what figurative walls stand between you and a more fulfilling relationship in which you feel confident and can express yourself freely?
The most common one I see with my clients is feeling like you need to agree with everything women say.
On the contrary, in order to create a solid and trusting relationship, you need to be willing to ask for what you actually want. This applies to all situations, big and small alike:
- “I can’t; I promised my friends I’d hang with them tonight.”
- “I think we should consider moving in with each other.”
- “Don’t you think beach vacations are kind of boring?”
- “Actually, I feel more like Chinese food tonight.”
You don’t have to wait until you hear her opinion and agree with it every time. You are a grown person with a mind of your own. Let it be heard!
As a side note, part of going after what you really want should include going after the truth. If you think you’re being stonewalled or there’s something she’s not telling you, show some interest and dig deeper.
When a woman says, “I’m fine,” for example, we know that she is usually anything but fine.
When my wife does that, I know it’s time to find out what’s really going on underneath the words.
By communicating with your girlfriend honestly and openly, you will create an atmosphere of trust, feel free to live life as your true self, and probably avoid many fights (you will almost certainly avoid pent-up resentment and frustration, and that alone is worth the effort).
This is normally about the time when I hear something like, “But how am I supposed to do that?! I can’t just say anything I want!” In response, I offer a question: why not?
What are you so scared of? Are you scared of being rejected or dumped? Alright. So you’re telling me that your plan is to hunker down, stay quiet for the rest of your life and hope it all works out? That’s no way to live. In fact, that fate sounds far worse than any discomfort that might be caused in the aftermath of expressing your honest wants and needs.
You’ve got to face your fear. The only thing you can do is show up and be your honest self—ask the questions you want to ask and share who you really are. If she continually rejects you, then the hard truth is that that relationship is not going to work. Period.
“But, Dr. Aziz, I can’t live without her!”
Yes, you can. You’ll find someone else. If you consistently show up and ask for what you want while she consistently ignores you or dismisses you or criticizes you . . . break up with her. No one deserves to be made to feel insignificant, and no good relationship involves that kind of treatment.
Now, there’s a lot more to cover when it comes to being completely comfortable and confident in your relationship, which is why I created the program, 30 Days to Dating Mastery. This program is designed specifically for preparing you to enter the world of dating and relationships. This isn’t the run-of-the-mill pickup artist stuff, either—it’s the real deal. If you want to create a lasting relationship full of joy, trust, and honesty (plus great sex!), you need to check it out as soon as possible. You can even pick up my free eBook, Seven Ways to Start Conversations with Women Anywhere, Anytime, just for stopping by!
In the meantime, please feel free to “like,” subscribe or share your comments below. What patterns of behavior have you noticed in past relationships? How do you think you could be more honest moving forward? Let’s keep inspiring and encouraging each other to go after the lives we know we deserve.
Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are, and to know on a deep level that you are awesome. I’ll talk to you soon.