Probably everyone in life has experienced some form of self-sabotage: everything is going well; you’re making amazing strides in your work or love life; and then, suddenly, fear or anxiety kicks in, and it all falls apart.
Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever sabotaged your own success? If so, then stick around, because today, we’re going to be discussing why and how this happens and how to shift your mindset so that it never happens again.
To begin with, let’s talk about why we sabotage our own success.
Self-sabotage can happen in any area of our lives. We can sabotage our careers, our relationships, our health and fitness—anything! And why does it happen? One word: identity.
Your personal identity is all about how you see yourself—how you behave, what you look like, what you deserve, what you’re capable of achieving, and how you believe the world sees you. You add up those factors, condense them into one seemingly immutable entity, and develop a mental and emotional understanding that, “This is me.”
Unfortunately, in adhering unwaveringly to this identity, you’re just locking yourself in a cage.
Even more unfortunate is the fact that we have a deviously strong and innate drive to remain consistent with that identity, even if it is not serving us.
So, if we begin to do exceptionally well in our career or love life and that success is not consistent with the identity we’ve come to accept, then we are inclined to question it—to believe we can’t handle it or aren’t deserving of it. We literally say, “This is too good to be true.”
This is when the uncertainty, fear, and anxiety creep in. We begin to believe that negative consequences will result, like losing our jobs, being rejected, or worse. And what do you think is the solution your subconscious comes up with in that case?
We go back to the way things were, where it was comfortable and we knew what to do. Hence: self-sabotage.
But this solution doesn’t have to be so self-destructive! Anytime we experience change, it’s going to be a little bit uncomfortable. Change can be scary—we just have to learn to interpret it correctly.
When you believe you’ve come up against the outer limits of your identity, all you need to do is upgrade it. Instead of saying, “This is too good to be true” and pulling your identity down to meet your old expectations, you simply need to accept new ones.
But how do we do that when the old behavior is so engrained?
Actually, there are two ways I’d like to discuss with you today: acknowledging what’s already there and developing what’s not.
The first step is to acknowledge what’s already there.
So, you’ve gotten the promotion, or you’ve attracted the attention of a beautiful woman, or you’ve been making great strides with your diet and exercise regimen—why question it when you’ve already proven that you deserve it? In fact, that status is now already a part of your identity. No one else got those things for you: you got them all on your own through your hard work and natural abilities.
Your problem is not that you’re not good enough—it’s that you think you’re not good enough.
The good things that are happening to you are already happening because of you. Stop blocking it out, stop pushing it away, and just acknowledge it! Own what’s already there.
Step two is to develop the areas in which you believe you need growth.
If something is beyond your skillset, it has nothing to do with your identity—it’s just a sign that you may need some additional training and personal investment. As you learn, practice, and apply your new skills, you’ll simultaneously develop confidence in your abilities and naturally upgrade your identity as a result.
Now, once in a while I get a client who doesn’t quite see the correlation to relationships or other areas of their lives. Self-sabotage is sneaky on purpose—your subconscious doesn’t want you to fix the problem and move on from the pattern it knows. Simple patterns, such as getting passive-aggressive with a loved one, showing up consistently late to work, or procrastinating at anything—they’re all just forms of self-sabotage. In order to combat them, you may need to take action that requires personal development, such as learning to accept love or developing time-management skills, or reading a book on organizing and balancing your personal and professional life.
The solutions are out there for you to find—you just have to do the work!
In tackling this issue, there are many people who need a little extra accountability and motivation. If that sounds like you, then you’ll definitely want to check out my program, Confidence University. This is the most in-depth, interactive program I’ve created yet, including coaches and teamwork. Not only is it extremely accessible, it’s also designed to be affordable for every budget. My goal is to eradicate social anxiety worldwide, and that’s why I’m offering a program that can help anyone, regardless of income. Over the course of a year, you’ll learn powerful tips to help increase your self-confidence, expand your mindset, introduce you to social mastery, and yes—upgrade your identity. This program will completely transform your confidence level and, ultimately, your life.
In the meantime, however, you can begin your journey toward an upgraded identity by implementing the two simple tricks above.
You already possess amazing qualities that make you worthy of great things . . . and for everything else, you simply need to adopt a positive attitude and develop your skills. There’s no reason to deprive yourself of all the success life has to offer. So, start simple by acknowledging the strengths that got you where you are, and then get out there and upgrade your identity so that you can accept the gifts life throws your way!
What are the ways you have you been sabotaging yourself? How can you work to either acknowledge your strengths or develop your skills? Share your thoughts and experiences below. As always, I also invite you to subscribe to this channel so that you can receive real-time notifications as additional content is released.
Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome.