USE THIS SUBTLE TRICK TO DRAMATICALLY CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE AND CREATE THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE.
Do you constantly worry about what other people think of you? Do you suffer from social anxiety and feel inhibited because you imagine people are judging you? Would you like to be more free, relaxed, and authentic so that you can boldly be yourself in the world?
Today, I’d like to discuss a simple “hack” that will allow you to shift your social anxiety so that you’re not constantly worrying about what other people think of you.
Many people suffer from the belief that others are constantly judging them. Not only does this often make them judge themselves, but it can also force them into feelings of inadequacy and social anxiety.
One way to combat this mindset is with a simple trick that has resulted in great benefits in my own life and, subsequently, led to overwhelming success in the lives of my clients. This trick is something I like to call, “changing your frame to inside-out.”
Typically, when we’re feeling social anxiety, we are existing outside of ourselves—you’re viewing the world from an outside-in perspective.
This outside-in perspective involves you mentally projecting your own thoughts into the minds of other people: you make up stories about what they must be thinking, reflect it back at yourself, and end up with a distorted and unfair image of yourself that’s supposed to represent what they’re seeing.
Sure, you might make an effort to become more social and introduce yourself to someone new—except that for the entire time you’re speaking to them, all you can think about is what you imagine they must be thinking:
He thinks I’m trying too hard.
She thinks my clothes are weird.
They think I’m being too forward.
She’s laughing at how bad I just stammered.
When you spend your life existing outside of yourself, it will only mess up your life by exacerbating every fear, neurosis, and discomfort you normally experience.
If we want to truly break the grip that social anxiety holds over us, we must commit to staying in our center and observing the world outside of us from our own unique perspective.
We must take each moment as it comes, noticing what’s happening inside our bodies, evaluating our interactions without making up stories, and asking ourselves what we truly want to take away from our daily experiences.
Make no mistake: centeredness is not self-centeredness. Remaining in your center and doing away with that outside narrator are not selfish actions—they’re the practice of someone who has a healthy level of groundedness.
So, how do we let that voice go and allow ourselves to remain centered in our own minds?
Try this: the next time you’re feeling social anxiety creeping up, visualize a picture of your outside-in perspective . . . and then flip it!
Begin with that imagery and perhaps even a verbal cue, such as, “Inside-out, go!” Then, start to bring attention to your own senses, emotions and perceptions:
What do I want in this moment?
How do I view this person/these people?
What do I see/smell/hear around me?
How am I feeling about this situation?
There is no use in wasting your life worrying about what someone else is thinking—you can’t read minds. And even if you could, you can’t change them!
Not everyone is going to like you.
This is a fact of life for every human being on the planet. And, frankly, it’s none of your business what other people are thinking (just as it’s none of their business what you’re thinking!). You are not responsible for their experiences, and you can’t control them. All you can do as you move through this life is to focus on your own experience and how you want to present yourself to the world.
If you can get to the point where you truly understand that your experiences are your own and that your perceptions of other people’s opinions are not always valid, then you will begin to feel greater ownership over your own destiny, not to mention your overall day-to-day happiness.
If you feel that this work is slightly beyond your current capabilities and would like some additional support in your endeavors, I suggest checking out my book, The Solution to Social Anxiety, or one of my many immersive and interactive programs (which can be found at SocialConfidenceCenter.com).
There is no reason for anyone to be living with social anxiety. You can absolutely shift your perception of the world and create the life you’ve always dreamed of living with a little hard work and determination. Get out there and start making it happen!
Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome. I’ll talk to you soon.
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- Why Trying To Impress People Never Works (…And What To Do Instead!) - June 25, 2020