Would you like to have a date by next weekend? Or maybe two dates? There’s a specific way to do that, a pathway to get there. And in this short episode, I’m going to teach you exactly what the steps will be.
Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I’m your host, Dr. Aziz, best-selling author and the founder of the Center of Social Confidence. This is the show for you if you want to 10x your confidence in every area of your life that matters. Including your dating and relationships. This episode is about dating. This episode is called the numbers of confidence. Don’t worry, “Math! Ugh! Brain shutting off.” Stick with me, these numbers are super simple, and they’re made up, but they illustrate a point.
Here’s what they are: You want a date, right? When we’re single and we’re looking, we want to be able to date women. I did for a long time. And you’d like to ideally date the women that you’re attracted to. You might spend long stretches of time single, not really dating anyone, maybe get set up by a friend, maybe find someone online, and you have a date, but it’s so few and far between. Maybe you want a sense, like I did, of abundance, of like, “Man, there are so many opportunities and so many women. I want to talk to her, and that one.” You can feel like you’re really free and have a lot of power in this area of your life as opposed to waiting powerless and hoping that life would give you something.
Here’s how you get there, and it involves some numbers. This is going to help you know exactly how to get that date. Here’s the thing, in order to get that date, you need to: a) approach a woman, b) talk to that woman, c) get her number, and d) set up a date, either later by text or phone or email or whatever contact you had, or in that moment. Approach a woman, talk to her, get her number, set up a date. Right? Pretty basic, probably haven’t lost you so far. But maybe you have a ton of fear around approaching women, and if you do, get my program, 30 Days to Dating Mastery, at 30daystodatingmastery.com. There’s a whole section in there, a free ebook when you go there about how to start conversations with women, which is how to approach women, which is the first step. The program is designed over 30 days to help you eradicate that fear so you can just approach women being your most bold, authentic, confident self. So, definitely get that program if you can’t move forward after step one. But, let’s just say you can approach women and you can start a conversation, here’s how most guys do it (and I did this for so long): You approach a woman, and you’re like “Aargh!” Maybe she’s not that interested in talking to you, and you’re like, “Oh, shit. I’m done.” Or maybe you approach a woman and she does chat with you for a little while and you’re about to ask for her number, and then you’re like “I’m too scared. I don’t want to ruin it. It was a good conversation. I didn’t want to bother her. I didn’t want to impose upon her and piss her off by asking for her number. So I fled.” Or maybe you did ask for her number. You had the courage and you did it, and then she’s like, “No, I have a boyfriend.” And you’re like, “Oh shit,” and then you leave. Any of those scenarios, I’ve experienced them all, and you probably have too. Then we’re like, “Fuck! I’m just going to go home and get high and play video games.” And that’s what trips most of us up.
It’s the numbers. You approached one woman and you got no dates. You have to look at the numbers of what this is. Let’s take ten. You approach ten women, and out of those women, maybe only six will be even open to talking with you, more or less, depending on where you are, the circumstance, even your energy, how you’re dressed– like if you walk up to them like, “Hehh… Hiii…” Then maybe zero out of ten want to talk with you! But if you’re upright and you walk right over to them, and you have a warm expression on your face, and you look them in the eye, and you’re like, “Hey, what’s that?” And she’s reading a book.”What are you reading?” Probably a lot would actually talk with you. At least the numbers might be higher. But let’s just say it’s six– to pull that number out of my back pocket. So it’s six out of ten women that would actually just talk with you during the approach. Now take that in for a minute. That means 40% of women or 30% or 50% might not even talk with you when you go talk to them.
So out of that ten, now you have six. Now from the six that you’re talking to, you have a conversation with them. Let’s say only three of those turn into a warm enough connection and conversation that you’re even going to want to ask for their number. Or four. I don’t know. But not all of those are going to be like, “Whoa, we’re really hitting it off!” Some of those are going to be like: You’re trying to talk with her and she’s like a lump– like, “Yeah… Nope… Why are you talking to me?” So out of that six, maybe four have a warmness and then you ask those four for their numbers and how many give you their number? I don’t know. Maybe two, because one of them is like, “I’ve got a boyfriend.” And one of them is like, “Ummm… no.” So maybe only two give you their number. Then you want to set the date. Maybe those two you go on dates with, but maybe one of them drops off the map. She just gave you her number but she’s not actually going to follow up with you. So out of those ten women you approached, maybe you get one or two dates.
These are hypothetical numbers here, but do you get my point? The vast majority are not going to end up with you on a date with that woman. This is “The Numbers of Confidence.” This is when people say, “It’s a numbers game,” that’s what they mean. We have to break this down. I had to get it hammered into my head because otherwise we might say, “Oh yes, I’ve heard it’s a numbers game. Let me approach one or two women.” It doesn’t go well and we’re like, “Fuck this game! I quit!” And we just get high and play video games. So, remember that.
I talked to one woman when I was doing the Extraordinary Confidence Summit, which you might have seen, and she gave me some great insight. She does tons of sales trainings. She runs an extremely successful training and sales business. I think they do seven or eight million a year or something like that. She’s like, “All of our clients that we teach and train and work with their sales forces, in a lot of industries, if they’re selling to one out of five people, that is knocking it out of the park. And in some industries it’s more or less, right? Like one out of ten. So, that’s 20%. The same thing with dating. One in five, one in ten, these are good numbers. And so this expectation that every woman that you talk to is going to be like, “Whoa! You’re amazing! Here’s my number. Yes, let’s go! Have sex with me. You’re amazing.” That’s not going to happen.
We need to keep putting ourselves out there and we need to work on that confidence. So if that rejection crushes you and demoralizes you, that’s just grinding your progress to a halt. Because here’s the thing, you can figure this stuff out and you can get the results that you want in dating and relationships way faster than you imagined if you’re willing to put yourself out there consistently. If you want a rocket turbo boost to do that, check out 30 Days to Dating Mastery because it guides you from, “I’m too scared to even approach them,” to “I know that I’m awesome, I know my values, I know that I’m the selector.” Then “How do I then approach anyone– they’re just humans out in the world?” and “How do I start approaching attractive women?” Then, “How do I flirt with them, date with them, and just have great experiences and really master this area of my life?” So check out that program if you want to go deeper.
And if you want to go deeper in these videos in this channel, subscribe below because you’re going to learn a ton of great stuff– new videos every week. Leave a comment below as well. I’m curious about your thoughts, your questions, your biggest takeaways as well– I love reading those. So, until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome. I’ll talk to you soon.