When you think of confidence, what do you see? Someone rich and famous? Someone powerful? Someone attractive and strong?
What if I told you that there was a way to develop a deep-seated confidence in yourself that does not rely upon any of these conditions?
What If I told you that you could begin developing unconditional confidence, starting today?
It may not seem possible, but that’s what we’re here to discuss: unconditional confidence. A self-assurance and inner power that is borne of something more lasting than money or good looks—it’s built from the inside-out with your own positive energy.
Let’s take an example from real life:
Recently, I had a client who seemed in every way to have incredible confidence—the kind that, seemingly, no one could challenge and nothing could break. He had a great job, a large income, and significant power and status. Unfortunately, that “confidence” was based completely on his position at work . . . but he never realized that fact until he was laid off one day.
In that moment, his whole world fell apart. All of a sudden, he felt ashamed, worthless, and powerless, when just the day before he had been on top of the world. That was when it dawned on him that he had never possessed true, unconditional confidence.
So, the question we must ask ourselves now is, “Is my confidence conditional?”
Think about it for a moment: what conditions are necessary for you to feel confident? Do you depend on a job, or a certain friend’s attention, or your physical prowess, or your looks to feel worthy, special, and valued by others?
No matter what it is, even if it seems healthy or well-intentioned, it’s causing a problem for you. Because regardless of what happens in the short term—you get more money, you get even more fit, you get in with the popular crowd—there is no guarantee that the same conditions will exist in the future.
And what will you do then?
When your confidence is based on a conditional entity the seed of its destruction is already planted.
You’re not always going to have money or power or good looks—you’re not always going to win. You might get laid off, or grow old, or get divorced, or lose your home.
Life is full of surprises, not all of them good. What you need to develop if you wish to live out your life happily is a deeper, truer confidence based on your inner merits.
So, how do we develop that unconditional confidence? It can only come from a decision that you make all by yourself to unhook your sense of self-worth from material things and be on your own side . . . no matter what.
“I am worthy, no matter what.”
This is a mantra that I’ve used for years, myself—and that I recommend to clients. Take a moment right now and try it out: “I am worthy, no matter what.”
How true does that feel on a scale of one to ten? If your number is pretty low, ask yourself what self-judgements you’re making, grudges you’re holding against yourself, or standards that you’re setting too high.
In order to get on your own side, you need to release your hold on perfectionism and let go of your old stories and judgements.
Once you come to a place where you believe that you hold worth as a human being, all on your own, you will finally be able to get off the rollercoaster of emotions you suffer through on a daily basis . . . and you will finally be able to handle all of the little (and not so little) challenges that life throws your way.
If you’re enjoying these videos, please take a moment to check out my core program, Confidence University. Though I can only share small snippets of information with you through these videos, Confidence University offers me the opportunity to share entire courses of information on confidence building, relationships, career moves, and social stamina. At the core of that series of courses is the idea of getting on your own side (and exactly how to go about doing that). So, if you feel as though you need a bit more guidance than you’re getting through these videos, please give it a look!
You can find information about Confidence University at ConfidenceUniversity.com (or follow link below). Regardless of whether you plan to do that, however, let’s take the first step toward greater confidence right now!
Please share your thoughts and questions below. What is holding you back from attaining unconditional confidence? What are your material hang-ups? How can you begin to get more on your own side, starting now? Let’s all continue to rise in confidence together through shared knowledge and experience.
Until we speak again, may you have the courage to know on a deep level that you’re awesome (and to be on your own side no matter what).
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- Why Trying To Impress People Never Works (…And What To Do Instead!) - June 25, 2020