When you think of a centered person, what qualities come to mind? What does it look like when someone is centered?

Today’s topic is brought to us by Robbie Cole, who writes, “What does it mean to be a centered man?”

This is actually a fantastic question. Not only does knowing the signs of centeredness serve those who are looking to become more centered themselves, but it is also a valuable tool for those who are looking to build strong, healthy relationships with more grounded people.

Personally, when I think of the word “centered,” I think of someone who has the capacity to remain present in any given moment.

Let’s face it: these days, the ability to remain focused on one thing for more than five minutes is a seriously undervalued commodity.

To begin with, humans have had to evolve to look toward the future to protect themselves, which has rendered us a naturally nervous creature. On top of that, however, we are constantly over-exposed to the world’s dangers through daily news coverage; we’re overstimulated by drugs, smart phones, and social media; and we’re under extreme pressure to keep up with the rapid changes we face as a technological society.

Hence, if you truly want to stand out as a centered man in both your career and personal life, then you must build up your capacity to be present.

If you find that your mind often wanders away from the current moment, then there are a few powerful ways to develop your ability to remain grounded:

The Senses – The first thing you must do when developing your capacity to be present is to build up your connection to your senses. You must practice feeling your breath, hearing the sounds around you, and noticing the sensations that occur in your body. This is also known as mindfulness, and it is so powerful that studies have shown that practicing it regularly can actually change your brain.

The Emotions – Once you’ve gotten in touch with your senses, you must also expand your capacity for feeling.

To develop yourself as centered man, you must raise your emotional intelligence: you must be able to describe what you’re feeling, give a name to it, and pinpoint where it is affecting you in your body.

For many men, this can be a difficult task to master. Traditionally, men have been brought up to hide their feelings and feel shame in expressing too much emotion (except pride and anger, of course). These days, this trend is so rampant that men seem to have almost no capacity to feel, and those who do express vulnerability, love, and grief are dismissed as overly feminine.

This narrow band of emotional resources highly limits our potential to relate to others and keeps us from forming the deep connections we deserve. This can lead to estrangement from your social circle, substance abuse, anger issues, and even depression.

The Values – Finally, you greatly increase your ability to find centeredness when you strengthen your sense of values and purpose.

What do you believe in? What are you here to do? What is your purpose on this planet? Even in the small moments, these questions and their answers give us a way to focus our masculine energy in a positive, grounded way.

Now, in the grander scheme of things, it can sometimes be tricky to determine your purpose on the planet, and you can certainly take as much time as you need to figure that out and develop your answer over time. Everyday values, however, can easily be determined:

– When you get home at night, is your purpose to connect with your family, enjoy your home, or support your spouse?
– When you walk into work, is your purpose to lead a team, support your organization, provide for your family, or strengthen your career?
– When you’re out with friends, is your purpose to deepen connections, blow off steam, or refuel your tank?

Simply knowing why you’re taking the time to engage in ANY endeavor, no matter how small, is enough to profoundly change your understanding of its value, thereby significantly raising your overall quality of life.

Now, your sense of purpose is something that only you can determine. Many people will spend years waiting around for some sign to provide them with a sense of certainty, and that is never going to come.

Nobody else can cultivate your purpose—only you can do that. What’s more is that you don’t need to explain yourself. Why is you purpose your purpose? Because it is. Period. The more you live within your purpose, the stronger your resolve will become, and the more certainty you will naturally create in your life.

Once you gain that sort of physical and emotional control over your faculties, you will not only feel better, but you will also be more relatable to the people around you.

Sure, “grounded” and “centered” might seem like intangible qualities, but they are exceptionally perceptible.

These qualities live in your body, energy, and actions; they signal firmness and trustworthiness; and they’re communicated automatically. People pick up on it instantly and are naturally drawn to it.

If this is a subject of real difficulty for you, then there are many resources that will make it possible to go deeper and push further. One great tool that you might want to check out is Confidence University, which is my most comprehensive and intensive program yet. This course is built around strategies, amplifying your presence, and connecting more deeply to your purpose in every area of your life, especially when it comes to dating and social confidence. If you really want to jumpstart your growth, amplify your energy, and strengthen your capacity for centeredness, then visit TheConfidenceUniversity.com to get more information!

In the meantime, please share your thoughts, concerns and successes below. What does it mean to you to be centered? How have you been working to increase these qualities in yourself? What challenges have you been facing? I love to hear from you and learn from your experiences, and I know that it is invaluable to your peers as well.

Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome.

Dr. Aziz