Do you feel stuck? Are you discouraged because you’ve been working to get what you want out of life, but still aren’t seeing results? Have you been toiling to find a relationship, make a shift in your career, get more socially confident, or free yourself from social anxiety?
Have your pursuits toward a better life left you high and dry?
Recently, I was in a mastermind call, and one of our group members found himself in this place, as well: “I’ve tried everything, and nothing has worked.”
I’m going to let you in on a little secret, up front: THAT LANGUAGE IS NOT SERVING YOU.
When you surrender your power, you surrender command of your life—you are no longer steering the ship.
Listen, I’ve been there myself: you try and try, and you feel like you’re just not getting anywhere . . . and I know from experience how absolutely true it feels. Sometimes, we even go so far as to tell ourselves that nothing will EVER work.
At that point, we feel frustrated and demoralized not only about the past, but also about where we are in that moment AND about where we are headed in the future.
The fact of the matter, however, is that this is just a false story that you’re selling yourself. Once you’ve sold yourself on this story, you become cynical—you give up and become hardened.
This is about the time that the warning lights in your mind should be flashing bright red . . . because once you stay in that place too long, you begin to develop and justify story after story about how your life will never work.
When you feel like nothing is going your way, the most important thing to remember is that every problem has a solution.
Let’s take a moment and try an exercise: I want you to shake out the kinks, get physically open, then say this phrase aloud: “When there is a problem in my life, I confront the issue and I solve the problem.”
When there is a problem in our lives, we need to confront the issue and solve the problem. PERIOD.
Here’s the thing: nobody has tried everything. In fact, it’s physically impossible to get to a point at which you’ve literally tried everything. Saying, “I’ve tried everything,” is not a reflection of reality—it doesn’t actually represent what you have and have not done.
Saying, “I’ve tried everything,” is just a reflection of our mental states (and, honestly, of our levels of commitment).
During my live events (and in my book, Not Nice), I spend a good amount of time talking about my five levels of commitment:
Level 1 – Meh, I don’t really even want it.
Level 2 – Sure, that would be great to have, but I don’t feel compelled to work for it.
Level 3 – Hmm, I want that thing—I’ll give it a shot.
Level 4 – I really want that thing! I’m going to do my best!
Level 5 – I have to have this thing. I will do WHATEVER IT TAKES.
Now, let’s discuss this for a moment, because these levels are not as straightforward as they may seem.
Firstly, most people think they’re at a level four . . . and they’re not. Level four involves A LOT of work: it means you’re networking, creating opportunities for yourself, filling out the applications, doing the prerequisites, and sharing your ideas with the boss. It means taking risks, facing rejection, seeing doors slam in your face, and hearing “no” A LOT.
If you’ve faced rejection once or twice, I’m just going to be straight with you: you’re still at a level three.
Level four is a pretty powerful place to be because it takes the kind of work that transforms you. It helps you build up your confidence by training you to understand that rejection will not kill you—rather it is a means to your growth.
This brings us to level five.
Many people will try to argue that they’re already doing their best AND doing whatever it takes. The thing is, though, you’re not doing your best . . . yet.
As it currently stands, you have likely not reached your full potential. Hence, your current “best” is not enough to get you what you want.
Does this mean that you should throw in the towel and start complaining about how life isn’t fair?
NO! Quite the opposite, in fact.
If you’re truly at a place in which you’re trying, day after day, taking risks and going after what you want with gusto, then you’re on the brink of growth.
In order to create what you really want—what is really meaningful to you and ultimately going to fulfill you in the most genuine way—then you’re going to need to grow. That growth will set a new standard for what is your “best.” THAT “best” is the one that I’m after.
You may not realize it or believe it yet, but you’ve got more in you. There’s so much more that you’re able to do. There’s a whole new you in there just waiting to come out.
Once you’ve reached that place in which a new force is carrying you, supporting you, and working with you to attack your goals on a new level, THAT is when you’ve reached level five commitment.
In level five, you are determined, relentless, bold, and utterly committed with every fiber of your being. In level five, there is no more, “But I’ve already tried it all!” There is only a commitment to doing whatever it takes.
Once you’ve reached this new level of commitment, you’re only focused on making it happen and creating the life you want.
At that point, your original conception of “best” will have been shattered. It will feel like it was a limited version of you.
You cannot create the life you want without expanding your knowledge, expanding your experience, and expanding what you’re willing to try. You have to be willing to put yourself into situations that you don’t know how to handle. You have to learn how to figure things out as you go and know that these new and scary experiences will not hurt you.
In fact, they’re likely to facilitate your confidence journey! Once you’ve reached that place of ultimate commitment, your confidence will begin to surge, and it will seem as though the universe is trying to give you what you need to succeed.
I think van Goethe said it best:
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back . . . the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.
Let’s face it: when it comes to most endeavors, it takes a village. If you’re at work, there are dozens of people to collaborate with; in social circles, there are several friends who need to contribute to the friendship; in a romantic relationship, well . . . it takes two to tango.
Regardless of what you want to create or achieve, making it happen will almost never be a solo endeavor.
Believe it or not, your happiness is actually not all about you.
The people you need to help you create the life you want to live will be more likely to commit to you and cooperate with your vision if you are 1000% committed and confident.
If you can bring your full energy to a project and grow beyond your current limits, life will jump in to support you. Other people will jump in to support you.
In the meantime, you’re going to have to find a way to get past the urge to wallow in self-pity so that you can regain control of your life and steer your ship in the direction it needs to go.
What I suggest is that, when you feel like nothing is going your way, you take a moment and let it out.
Go into a space where you feel comfortable making some noise, set a timer, and take 3-5 minutes to physically and verbally let all of your frustration, anger, and pain OUT. You can have a full-on tantrum if you want—honestly, the more committed you are to venting, the better you’ll feel.
Once that timer goes off, the pity party is OVER, and the time to get back to work has arrived.
When all is said and done, you are the captain of your ship, and you decide your destiny.
If you can bring your commitment level up to a five, then your success will be inevitable. You have the power to create anything that will bring meaning and fulfillment to your life. Maybe it won’t happen this second or this week (or even this year) . . . but if you stay the course, it WILL happen for you.
If you want to take this work to the next level, then I encourage you to check out my website, DrAziz.com, where you can score a free copy of my eBook, 5 Steps to Unleash Your Inner Confidence, join our online community, and access several resources for your personal growth.
As always, I also encourage you to share your experiences and questions in the comments below. What level of commitment to improving your life are you at right now? Have you ever experienced a level five commitment? How has this work changed your life? If we keep connected and learn from one another, we can all become unstoppable together.
Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome.