3 Biggest Mistakes For Building Confidence
Oct 03, 2024Yes, it's absolutely possible to build your confidence quickly if you approach it the right way. But most people trying to boost their confidence on their own often make a few common mistakes that end up holding them back. As a result, they conclude: “I guess confidence just isn’t for me” or “I’m hopeless.” This leads to them shelving their dreams of being confident and settling for a life of discomfort and self-doubt.
As someone who spent 15 years struggling with low confidence, I’m here to show you the way out. Let’s dive into the three biggest mistakes you might be making—and how to fix them.
1. Avoiding Discomfort
One of the most common mistakes is avoiding discomfort. Many people think that building confidence is just about positive thinking or motivational talk. While that can help, there’s only one surefire way to grow your confidence—facing discomfort head-on.
Confidence grows through action, particularly the kind of action that feels uncomfortable. It’s like building physical fitness: just as lifting heavier weights challenges your muscles to grow stronger, doing things that make you nervous will expand your comfort zone and your confidence.
“Avoiding discomfort shrinks your confidence, while taking action—no matter how small—builds it.”
If you avoid taking risks, like speaking up in a meeting or introducing yourself to someone new, your confidence will stagnate. But by embracing gradual exposure to these challenges, you can grow stronger bit by bit.
2. Relying on Harsh Self-Criticism
The second major mistake people make is trying to motivate themselves through harsh self-talk. You may be familiar with the inner critic, the voice that tells you things like “That wasn’t good enough” or “You’re going to fail.” Many people mistakenly believe that berating themselves will somehow push them to be better. But the truth is, you can’t beat yourself into confidence.
Harsh criticism leads to avoidance and demotivation. Instead, you need to motivate yourself through self-compassion and celebration of small wins. Even if a conversation or task doesn’t go perfectly, it’s essential to acknowledge the effort you put in and the progress you’ve made.
“You can’t beat yourself into confidence. Celebrate your wins, even the small ones.”
3. Lack of Consistency
The final mistake is expecting instant results and then giving up when things don’t change overnight. Confidence isn’t a one-time thing—it’s a skill you need to practice consistently.
Just like you wouldn’t expect to get fit after one or two workouts, you can’t expect lasting confidence after a few attempts. Aim to lean into discomfort at least three times a week. Whether it’s starting a conversation, sharing your ideas, or speaking up at work, taking regular action over time will make all the difference.
“Consistency is key. You don’t need extreme efforts—just a little progress, again and again.”
A Path Forward: Embrace Gradual, Sustainable Growth
The key to lasting confidence is to be patient with yourself and stick with it over time. Make gradual exposure part of your routine, motivate yourself with self-compassion, and remain consistent in taking small, courageous steps toward growth.
If you want to dive deeper into this process and have a proven roadmap, check out Confidence University. It provides a step-by-step guide, action plans, and support to help you build the confidence you deserve.
Remember: you are not alone on this journey.
Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you are truly awesome.
Reading blogs and watching videos online is a start...
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Confidence University is the culmination of all my years of work assisting others with overcoming social anxiety and building unstoppable confidence in its place. It's the next best thing to work with me one-on-one.