3 Mistakes That Nice People Make Every Day

Feb 15, 2023


There are three mistakes that nice people make every day. 


Probably more than that. 


You might be making these three mistakes right now. 


I want to highlight them for you so you can shift them quickly. 


These three things are stories you tell yourself, the beliefs you live by, and your worldview. They’re making the world appear a certain way and how you behave based upon that worldview. 


The truth is, they’re probably not serving you. 


Here are the mistakes that nice people make every day. 


  1. You matter more than me. 


The number one mistake that nice people make is that they believe others matter more than they do.


That’s not true. 


Nice people often believe, what you want matters more than what I want! What you need matters more than what I need! In general, you matter more.


If you were to challenge the belief that others matter more than they do and say, “Wait a minute, maybe I matter more than you” to a nice person, you might cringe and feel your ribs collapse.


It’s even worse to think that. And that’s what the person who overlaps is trying to do. 


They’re trying to be selfless. They’re trying to be a good person, and then they end up being too far on the selfish spectrum. 


One side of the selfish spectrum is raging egomaniac terrorizers who are only focused on themselves—narcissists. 


Do you think they’re the bad guys? What about the exact opposite? 


Extremes in life are generally problematic. 


To quote from Michael Pollan’s book, “Balance in life and finding the middle way is way more effective than the extremes.” Nice people go to the extreme of selflessness: 


You matter more than me. I don’t matter at all. This mindset will result in a life of suffering. 


The result of extreme selflessness is that you can’t advocate for yourself, you can’t speak up for yourself, and you can’t say no. You can’t even factor yourself into the equation regarding what you want and making decisions in your life. 


This will result in you ending up in bad situations:


  • Bad workplace environments,
  • Abusive workplace environments,
  • Bad relationships,
  • Bad family situations where you’re taking criticism and judgment and abuse. 


You got to wake up and say, “wait a minute, I matter at least as much as you. Maybe I matter more.” 


I’m not saying you should always go crazy selfish, but you have to be able to turn that dial-up to at least a healthy middle. 


  1. Your perception is more real than mine. 


This can be summarized as somehow, my perception has to map on with your perception. 


Let’s say you judge me and say “This guy’s stupid, selfish, bad, wrong, and arrogant.” 


That is true—it doesn’t matter what I think. 


Maybe I say, “Wait a minute, I’m not arrogant, or I don’t know who I am.” 


No, nice people do not do that because that attitude involves a little bit of ego-strength confrontation. 


When I coach people on this, I help them find their reality. 


For example, the other day, I met a client who had some experience from his past where someone had accused him of something he didn’t do. 


Other people got upset with him, and he was so stressed out about it he said, “All these people think this about me.” I


I told him, “Hold on a second, do you know what happened in that room? What is your story? What is your reality?”


As soon as it was described, I said, “Okay, so whatever they’re going to perceive. Do you know what happened in that room?”  


I helped him ground his own opinion because other people’s opinions are like a storm swirling around him. 


One day it’s going to be rainy. One day it’s going to be sunny, then it’ll be snowing, and then it’ll be windy. 


If you’re trying to base everything on that, you will be lost and disconnected from yourself. 


You have to find that inner strength that’s owning your perception. 


  1. Confrontation will kill me.


Mistake number three that nice people make on a daily basis is this story in your mind. 


Confrontation will kill me, from the smallest confrontation to a larger confrontation. 


I don’t want to work with you anymore. I need to change here. 


Here’s an example of a small confrontation: “Hey, listen, my understanding is that by the 30th we were going to get the bonus. It’s the 28th. I haven’t heard anything. I wanted to follow up and get clarity.” 


This approach is unapologetic, clear, and direct. It’s an example of a small confrontation.


Here is an example of a bigger confrontation: “I want to break up. I don’t like the way you’re doing this doesn’t work for me. We’ve got to change this.” 


Nice people think or behave as if it is going to kill them, and it’s not. 


The only way to find out that it’s not is to get into a lot of confrontations. 


This is part of the mastermind program that I’m teaching about. 


So that, my friend, are the three mistakes of nice people. 


See if you can check off the box for one, two, or all three. If you’re doing these things and this resonates for you, then you have to go further with this. 


You gotta make these changes. 


They won’t happen on their own.


If you’d like me to guide or support you in that, go to And check out the mastermind program. It’s a twelve-month absolute life-changing program. 


Over the last eight years, we’ve had hundreds of people go through that program. It’s produced radical and rapid changes from people who are shy, overly nice, and overly pleasing to being bold, assertive, and powerful humans. 


If you’re interested in that, check out the website. 


Until we speak again, may we have the courage to be who you are and know on a deep level that you’re awesome. 

Reading blogs and watching videos online is a start...

When you are ready to radically transform your confidence so you speak up freely, boldly go after what you want, connect easily with others and be 100% unapologetically yourself, coaching is the answer.

Discover Dr. Aziz's Confidence Mastermind