3 Questions To Radically Increase Your OMOS & Self-EsteemJun 28, 2023
Would you like to radically increase your confidence, self-esteem, and what I call On My Own Side?
Being on your side means you don't turn on yourself, you don't attack yourself, and you don't criticize yourself—you treat yourself with compassion, respect, and dignity.
That breeds a healthier sense of self-esteem and confidence, which then goes out and impacts everything in your life.
A big part of my work with clients is helping them radically increase being on their side. Or this silly little acronym called OMOS.
You can ask yourself three questions that will increase your being on your side. And as a result, an immediate result, it will radically improve how you feel, your confidence, your energy, your assertiveness, and the quality of your life.
1.) Am I being on my side right now?
That's a powerful question to ask yourself. Am I being on my side right now?
To find out if it is a yes or is it a no, take a moment to pause. Even just asking will start to break the hypnosis.
You will get your daily dose of insanity by thinking:
I'm not doing that good enough
I'm a bad person and now I feel guilty and they're not going to like me
I need their approval
Then you say, “Wait a minute, am I on my own side right now?” If you say any of the above to yourself, the answer is going to be no.
Now you have something to work with; now you can ask the other questions, such as:
2.) How can I take care of myself?
This is a really basic question: How can I take care of myself right now?
Take a breath and slow down. Pause what you're doing. If you think, Well, I'm not on my own side at all. How can I take care of myself right now?
Then you'll see, maybe the answer is:
I can stop criticizing myself.
I can take a break.
I've just been grinding away at this and not breathing at my computer for five hours. Maybe I need to move around. I can eat something that's going to nourish me right now.
You can say, “Wait a minute, how can I take care of myself right now?”
3.) What would I say to a friend?
Whatever the situation is, you're being hard on yourself; you're being anxious, and you're being critical.
Nine times out of ten, you're telling yourself terrible, mean, awful things. You're thinking, I don't know why I feel so anxious. But just imagine if you were saying that to a friend.
How messed up would that be? How long would they be your friend?
What would I say to a friend?
What would I say to a loved one?
What would I say to a child?
What would I say to someone?
What would I say to someone I truly care about and love?
Practice asking these questions to yourself.
At first, it’ll be weird. At least, it was for me.
I remember the very first time I wrote it in a journal because it was so weird to say that out loud to myself. I felt like I was a psycho talking to myself.
This was way back before I got way more into personal growth. Now I'm crazy all the time. I just talk to myself all day long in my office by myself. What was that anyway?
So am I on my own side right now? How can I take care of myself? What would I say to a friend?
Here’s a bonus question to ask yourself (it’s a little bit of a variation of question number two): what do I need right now?
This question comes from the fact I've had the opportunity to raise four dogs from puppyhood, but we have two now. Including my children, that's six little beings.
What you're asking yourself in regard to a little being, is What does this baby need right now?
One of our dogs is a puppy. We call her the Puppy Alarm because, at 05:00 AM, she bangs the crate; she needs to go pee, she needs to go poop because she's been asleep all night. But she lets us know I need to go right now. There's this urgency to her.
Therefore, ask yourself, what do they need right now?
Sometimes it's really obvious she needs to go pee. The same goes for our youngest child; is he hungry? Does he need to do this? Does he need to be held in this way?
So ask yourself, what do they need right now?
As they get older, you might be able to ask them, “What do you need right now? You seem upset,” but early on, you're trying to figure it out, and that's how you can be with yourself.
Just asking the questions What do I need right now? What do I need? starts to break the pattern of attacking yourself.
Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome!
Reading blogs and watching videos online is a start...
When you are ready to radically transform your confidence so you speak up freely, boldly go after what you want, connect easily with others and be 100% unapologetically yourself, coaching is the answer.