Confidence Is Uncomfortable (The Truth)
Jan 06, 2025Want to know the real secret to confidence? It’s not about tricks, hacks, or affirmations. It’s about discomfort. Yes, you read that right. The uncomfortable truth is that if you want to build lasting confidence, you have to lean into discomfort—again and again.
Confidence isn’t about feeling calm and relaxed all the time. It's about embracing those moments when you feel anxious and showing up anyway. So if you're ready to hear the truth that could change your life, read on.
The Hard Truth About Building Confidence
Most people, when they come to me wanting to feel more confident, share a similar goal: “I just want to be comfortable. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin.” They want to be at ease in social situations, with their colleagues, or on dates. And while comfort is important, here’s the catch: True confidence is built through discomfort.
Imagine it like lifting weights at the gym. When you first start, you might feel sore and out of shape. But as you push through that discomfort, your muscles grow stronger. Confidence works the same way. If you’re always avoiding discomfort, you won’t grow. But when you challenge yourself, step out of your comfort zone, and keep going, that's when the magic happens.
Discomfort: The Key to Confidence Growth
Here’s the irony that many people miss: Confidence is a muscle, and just like any muscle, it grows through resistance. If you’re only comfortable, you’re not pushing yourself enough to build real confidence. To become the confident person you aspire to be, you need to do what feels uncomfortable—repeatedly.
For example, if you want to speak up more in meetings, that means you need to step into those moments when you feel nervous and do it anyway. If you want to feel more at ease talking to strangers, you’ll need to initiate conversations, even when your heart is racing. Each time you do this, you become stronger, and eventually, it won’t feel as difficult. The discomfort will lessen, and your confidence will soar.
How to Embrace Discomfort and Transform Your Confidence
- Accept that discomfort is part of the process.
This isn’t about trying to eliminate the discomfort. It’s about embracing it. If you want to speak confidently in front of a crowd, you need to be willing to feel nervous before every presentation. The key is to take action despite the nerves. - Start small, but start.
Build your confidence step by step. You don’t have to dive into the deep end all at once. If public speaking scares you, start by speaking in smaller settings—maybe with a friend or a small group. Each small step forward will make the next one easier. - Reframe the discomfort.
Change your perspective. Instead of seeing discomfort as something to avoid, see it as a signal that you’re growing. Think of it like jumping into cold water. At first, it’s jarring, but once you’re in, it’s not so bad. The more you practice, the easier it becomes.
Why This Works: Strength Through Discomfort
When you commit to stepping into discomfort, something amazing happens: you develop a deeper belief in your own strength. It's like jumping into a cold pool or ocean: the first few times, it feels unbearable. But after a while, your body adjusts, and what once felt impossible becomes second nature.
The more you practice, the more you prove to yourself that you’re capable of handling discomfort. This is where your confidence truly grows—not by avoiding challenges, but by facing them head-on.
Final Thoughts: You Have the Power to Build Confidence
If you want to be the person who talks to anyone without hesitation, who feels relaxed in social situations, or who can speak up in meetings with ease, then you must lean into discomfort. There is no shortcut.
Remember, the truth about confidence is that it isn’t about being free from discomfort—it’s about being willing to face it and grow through it. You have the power to build your confidence. The question is: will you lean into the discomfort and step into your true potential?
You’ve got this. Stay courageous, and trust that every step you take outside your comfort zone is a step towards the confidence you’ve always wanted to be.
Reading blogs and watching videos online is a start...
When you are ready to radically transform your confidence so you speak up freely, boldly go after what you want, connect easily with others and be 100% unapologetically yourself, coaching is the answer.