End Self-judgement & Skyrocket Your Confidence Now

Do you judge yourself? 

Do you criticize yourself? 

Do you often compare yourself to others and find yourself lacking?

These are hallmark signs of social anxiety and low confidence.

Questions about the comparison to others are one of the most common questions I receive from clients, emails, and elsewhere.

People ask, “How do I fix this?” 

That's a great question to be asking because if you're experiencing low confidence, I can guarantee you there is ONE thing that is occurring 100% of the time for you, me, and everyone else who struggles with confidence.

So what is the one thing that must be happening in order for you to not have confidence? 

It's that you must be internally harshly and repeatedly judging yourself and believing those judgments.  

That is the only way that you experience low confidence.

You might counter and say that low confidence comes from being in a new situation and unsure about yourself. 

But that situation doesn’t actually cause low confidence. Because while one person might feel tense and insecure, another person might feel optimistic and empowered. They might think to themselves: I don't know how to do this, but I'm going to learn, and people are going to be friendly and warm and support me and teach me everything I need to know so I can figure this out.

If you have that story going in your head, you might be unsure of what to do next, but feel quite confident that you’ll figure it out and people will help you.

But when you tell yourself someting like this: 

I'm not going to be able to get this, people are going to be really critical of me if they see that I don't know this stuff…

Or:

I'm not smart enough, I don't have enough experience, I’m not good at learning things…

Then your confidence will be shattered and you’ll feel anxious. So in essence:

Confidence comes from an absence of criticizing yourself.

So now the next logical question is, how do I change that? How do I turn that inner critic off?

The full answer is much more in-depth than I can cover in this blog. To go deeper you’ll want to pick up a copy of On My Own Side on Amazon or Audible.

But the short answer right now in this article is that you must decide to take control now. 

Everything else is going to be a technique or strategy, and there are a thousand of them. But without you deciding right now, none of them are going to work. 

There’s a choice you must make to start standing up to that critic inside and saying: No. I’m not going to subject myself to this any more.

Because otherwise, you are a passive, complicit, subservient doormat to that inner critical voice. 

It speaks poison and you say, Okay, whatever you say.

We need to change that dynamic and say, No, not whatever you say. No, I'm not listening to what you say. I challenge you. 

I defy you. You're not going to talk to me that way. In fact, we're going to find a new way. I'm going to find a new way to coach myself, a new way to treat myself, a new way to be on my own side.

And then from THAT place, there are many things you can do. 

To defeat your critic, start by simply writing out the garbage that it regularly says to you.

Get it out, literally on paper. Or have note file on my phone. Instead of opening up social media to distract yourself when you’re nervous, actually do something that will help you solve the problem and ask yourself this:

What am I telling myself right now?

What is my critic saying to me?

When you start writing out dismal futures, negative predictions, and self-hating thoughts, challenge that. 

Actually start writing responses. Don’t just do it in your head. Challenge it on paper or on your phone. Say things like: I don't believe that. I'm going to come up with something new. I'm going to come up with a better story. 

And remember to breathe as you do it!

Own yourself, own your life. 

You decide. 

You reclaim control from the critic. 

For extremely practical guidance and step-by-step actions that you can follow along with, I highly recommend my in-depth program, Confidence University.

Thanks for being with me today. Share down below in the comments what you find the most value from this, and until we speak again, may we have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.