How To Be Confident In Job Interviews, Dates, and Other High Pressure SituationsMay 03, 2023
Would you like to know how to feel more confident in high-pressure situations?
To start, what exactly is a “high-pressure” situation?
Unless you’re a hostage negotiator, for most of us these situations are things like: job interviews, negotiations, dealing with clients, and even dating can feel high-pressure (especially if you really like the person!)
In these situations, you can put a lot of pressure on yourself, which is actually a big part of the problem.
The challenge with these situations is we have an intensified desire for the outcome to go one but not another. It seems like if the outcomes goes differently than we want, it will be extremely painful, terrible, and tragic.
This attachment breeds fear and can take a major toll on our confidence. How do I move forward if I don’t know the outcome??
Confidence means you move forward with faith.
That's what confidence means.
Practically speaking, it means you hold these uncertain situations with this kind of mindset:
Of course, they’re going to hire me!
AND (at the same time)
If they don’t hire you…
I’ll be ok either way.
I will find something else that’s even better.
This may require a bit of explaining, so let’s break it down even further.
The Two Types Of Confidence For Uncertainty
For you to know that you can do well, get hired, perform, and basically crush it, then you have high self-efficacy, which ONLY comes from one thing.
Having done it a million times!
For example, imagine a mechanic who's fixed a thousand cars. Someone brings a car in that's got an issue. The mechanic feels a relaxed sense of confidence: Yeah, I got this.
But that can fall apart when it's a high-pressure situation. Or in a situation that you've never dealt before. For these situations, we need something else in addition to this basic competence-based confidence.
A key insight to remember to set you free in high pressure situations:
The pressure that you feel is not “out there”, rather it's “in here.”
You are creating that pressure.
Or, said another way, your perspective is what generates that pressure.
You are telling yourself a story about the different outcomes. A sort of heaven or hell type narrative. If it goes this way, which is the way that I want, it's going to be amazing!
If it goes any other way, it's going to be awful, and possibly lead to death and ruin.
In dating, you tell yourself: I'll never find anyone like this again. If it's not this person, I'm going to be destined to be alone forever or have a miserable, lowly second choice in my life that is always less than this one person who would have been so perfect for me.
In a job interview, you tell yourself: If I don't get this dream job, every other job for the rest of my life is going to be terrible and I'm going to regret this forever. I need this job, I need this person to approve of me, I need this outcome!!
As soon as you come into the situation with that energy, your confidence is gone.
In order to truly be more confident in these situations, you must find your way to a new perspective. A new way of being.
That new place can be best described as unattached.
And the best way to define unattached is:
I want this outcome And if something else happens, I'll be okay too.
Of course I want that person to say “yes.”
Of course I want them to hire me for this dream job.
And… if that doesn’t happen, I’ll be okay too.
To really make this a practical benefit in your life, you must create some time in silence (without inputs of audio, video, screens) and just be with yourself.
Feel the outcome you want. See it. Allow yourself to feel positive anticipation… what if it DOES happen? How awesome would that be! Enjoy that!
And, let yourself see the outcome you want NOT happening too.
Feel the resistance, need to control, fear, and upset. Let it roll through you like a storm as you stand tall and firm and flexible like a mighty doug fir tree in the wind and rain.
Send yourself messages of calm and safety.
Yes, I want the other outcome. But if this happens, I won’t die. I’ll be okay either way.
And just… let go, my friend.
Every scary story, every bad feeling, and everything that comes up as you focus on it might not actually happen.
All of our fears are fears of feelings. Just let yourself face whatever is so now and grow stronger from it.
And, to take things even one step further, I invite you to choose this story for yourself and your life.
What if it’s either this outcome you want… or something even better?
How can you know this?
Because what we choose to believe becomes our reality. Because life is steering you. Life is guiding you. Whether you choose to see it or not.
You are held. You are loved. You are guided.
Calm yourself and make contact with the most powerful version of you, the most confident version of you, who’s going to crush it in that high-pressure situation.
Please share down below in the comments, what you're finding most valuable!
Until we speak again, may we have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you are awesome.
Reading blogs and watching videos online is a start...
When you are ready to radically transform your confidence so you speak up freely, boldly go after what you want, connect easily with others and be 100% unapologetically yourself, coaching is the answer.