How To Become Confident Facing CriticismMar 01, 2023
Do you want to know how to become stronger in the face of criticism?
Sometimes, you might have to put yourself out there, whether for dating or relationships, to speak up, share your ideas, or put something out there online.
But tell me if this sounds familiar: Someone is going to see it, hear it and judge me, or they’re going to criticize me either in their heads or verbally, or even. I don’t want to ask that person now because I don’t want her or him to judge me.
Maybe you’ve even told yourself this: I don’t want to put my stuff out there online because, well, god, online. I mean, that’s full of trolls. Everyone’s going to judge me there.
What happens when you choose the path of avoidance?
The answer is you avoid criticism; however, you also avoid your life!
While you might protect yourself from the short-term discomfort of criticism, you are also protecting yourself from life.
Because of this, you get a different kind of pain over time, the pain of regret—the pain of a life not fully lived.
Therefore, we have to strengthen ourselves to criticism.
I like to approach this situation in a few different ways.
Sometimes people try to put themselves out there and cover their eyes and say, “Okay, I hope there’s no criticism; I’m going to pinch my nose, close my eyes, cover my ears, and jump. And that’s better than not doing anything.”
I’ll give that person credit. I’ll say, “Hey, at least you’re willing to go into it.”
But that’s not a strong stance to be coming from. That’s not a secure place. Why? Because you’re still running scared, even if you are creating.
Therefore, I have a question for you:
Is that how you do it?
If you’re going to do it, do you ask yourself, How am I going to speak up?
Here’s my opinion. Does everyone think it’s okay?
So, if you’re doing it and you’re feeling scared, that’s better than not doing it at all.
However, we can go way further than that, my friend.
You could do it with confidence!
But how do you do it with confidence?
The answer is, it comes down to strength.
You got to get in shape.
Social fitness is a model that I’ve been teaching for many years.
One of the best forms of strength training for social fitness for your confidence is criticism.
If you walk over to someone and they say, “Hi, you’re great. Do you want to be my friend?”
You might think, Well, that was easy, but that’s not how life goes. And sometimes you share something, and someone says, “I disagree. I don’t like your idea. You’re stupid.”
This can happen, especially if you put it out there online—you’re going to get a ton of criticism.
How do you strengthen yourself?
You strengthen yourself the way you build muscle by doing reps.
Do reps of curls or other bicep exercises.
You want to get stronger at running.
Hit training or sprints,
You stress the system. That’s how you get stronger.
How do you do it when it comes to criticism?
I know that sounds pretty simple, but here’s what happens when most of us get criticized.
First of all, you will probably think I hope no one criticizes me.
But if someone criticizes you, what do you do?
Most of us will think, I want to get away from it.
It’s like some noxious stimulus or poison gas that’s in the room. Or it’s like someone poked you with a needle. You want to get out of the conversation as quickly as possible.
If it’s online, you don’t want to look. It’s terrible. It makes me feel bad, and I get it.
Sometimes, with clients who are really bottled up, when it comes to putting themselves out there, I say, “Just don’t read the reviews online. Don’t read the comments. You’re not going to get any useful information from that anyway.”
This highest level of confidence is when you don’t run from them. Instead, you say, “All right, bring it on,” and then you get a negative comment.
I always get this: someone reads my book and says, “This guy sucks. I hate him.”
You know what? Instead of cowering, I’ll sit there, read it, and feel bad, defensive, hurt and upset. After all, I don’t even know this person. I don’t even agree with the criticisms.
So what do I do?
I read it again.
Then what do I do?
I read it again. I’ll read that thing ten times, and then guess what I’ll do?
I’ll return the next day and reread it ten times, word by word. I’ll get a feel for the person and a sense of the energy, dislike, and upset.
It feels like sprinting uphill.
But does it feel good? Well, yes and no.
It might feel physically bad, but my spirit feels good, because it’s making me stronger.
It’s the same way when you approach criticism like that.
When you do that, you become a force of nature because you’re no longer scared and cowering. Instead, you’re raising your hand, speaking up, sharing, and putting yourself out there.
If someone comes at you, you say, “Bring it on!”
Check out Confidence University if you’re not familiar with that program. It consists of four in-depth training courses that will guide you step by step through Social Confidence, dating and Relationship Confidence, Career Confidence, and that core foundation of confidence so you truly can become bulletproof and impervious to criticism.
So until we speak again, may we have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome.
Reading blogs and watching videos online is a start...
When you are ready to radically transform your confidence so you speak up freely, boldly go after what you want, connect easily with others and be 100% unapologetically yourself, coaching is the answer.