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How To Heal Toxic Shame

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Toxic shame is one of the most insidious forces that can drain your self-worth and confidence. You might not even realize how deeply it’s affecting you. In this post, I’m going to share the three biggest signs of toxic shame and show you how you can begin healing this burden. The truth is, you don’t have to live with toxic shame anymore, and I’m going to teach you how to make that shift today.

 

The Three Major Signs of Toxic Shame

1. Chronic Comparison
Are you constantly comparing yourself to others? Maybe someone at work seems smarter, or you see a friend who’s more attractive and confident. It’s a sure sign that toxic shame is in play when you feel "less than" others. This ongoing comparison creates a deep sense of deficiency, even though there’s no concrete evidence that you’re less capable or worthy. But that feeling of inadequacy isn’t just in your mind—it shapes how you show up in the world and sabotages your confidence.

2. The Urge to Overcompensate
When you feel like you’re not enough, you might go into overdrive mode to prove yourself. You might hustle to win approval or feel the need to constantly be perfect—overthinking your actions to ensure you don’t make mistakes. However, this urge to prove yourself only intensifies your shame. It leaves you exhausted and trapped in a cycle of performance anxiety, where nothing ever feels good enough.

3. A Persistent Fear of Something Bad Happening
This is the most subtle sign. Toxic shame often leads to a constant, nagging feeling that something bad is about to happen at any moment. It's not just worry—it's a sense that you're destined for failure or rejection. You brace yourself against the worst, whether it’s in your career, relationships, or social situations. This fear stops you from putting yourself out there and enjoying life because you’ve subconsciously tied your sense of self-worth to an impending disaster.

 

The Truth Behind Toxic Shame: It's Not About What You Did, It’s About What You Believe

Toxic shame isn’t something you’re born with; it’s a learned pattern, often stemming from early experiences where you felt unworthy or unloved. But here’s the liberating truth: the source of toxic shame isn’t what happened to you, it’s what you continue to tell yourself. You are now the one keeping the cycle of shame going. The good news is you can break free from it!

 

How to Heal Toxic Shame: Two Powerful Steps

1. Practice Self-Compassion
The first step in healing toxic shame is to embrace self-compassion. This is about treating yourself with kindness and care, no matter what others think or how you perform. Instead of focusing on self-criticism, practice being on your own side. Tell yourself that you are worthy of love, acceptance, and respect, regardless of any external factors. This is the foundation for building authentic confidence.

2. Unveil Yourself to Others
The second step is to share your true self with others. Toxic shame thrives in isolation and hiding. But when you let yourself be seen—when you share your thoughts, fears, and vulnerabilities with trusted people—you begin to release the grip of shame. Start small: share something personal with a friend, a partner, or even a therapist. Over time, you'll realize that the people you share with still love you and accept you, and this is the key to breaking free from toxic shame.

 

Embrace Your Freedom: You Are Enough

Toxic shame is a heavy burden, but it doesn’t have to define you. By practicing self-compassion and unveiling yourself, you can shift out of shame and into a space where you accept yourself just as you are. You deserve to live with confidence, to connect authentically with others, and to embrace the fullness of who you are.

Remember, you don't need to be perfect. You just need to be real. Your journey to freedom starts today—take the first step now. You are worthy, and you're already on your way to being the most confident version of yourself!

Reading blogs and watching videos online is a start...

When you are ready to radically transform your confidence so you speak up freely, boldly go after what you want, connect easily with others and be 100% unapologetically yourself, coaching is the answer.

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