How to Stop Letting Social Anxiety Control Your Conversations
Mar 26, 2025“If you get in your head, you’re dead.” – Tony Robbins
Have you ever found yourself in a conversation, feeling completely self-conscious and unsure of what to say next? Maybe you’re constantly worried about how you’re coming across or whether the other person likes you. If so, you’re not alone—and there’s one simple shift you can make today to radically improve your confidence and communication skills.
The Problem: Focusing on Yourself
When you’re anxious during a conversation, what are you focusing on? Chances are, you’re overly focused on yourself—worried about what you’re saying, how you’re saying it, and whether the other person approves. It’s like you have a critical inner observer watching every move you make, marking you with a giant red “X” when you get something wrong.
This kind of self-focus only amplifies anxiety and makes it harder to connect with others. After all, a conversation isn’t about you; it’s about connecting with the other person. But when you’re fixated on yourself, you can’t genuinely engage with the other person, and the conversation starts to feel stilted and awkward.
“When you're anxious, you hyper-focus on yourself in a way that makes it harder to connect.”
The Shift: Focus on the Other Person
The key to overcoming social anxiety in conversation is a simple but powerful shift in focus. Instead of obsessing over your own performance, shift your attention outward—toward the other person. This shift can be broken down into three practical steps you can start using right now.
Focus on Your Body: When you’re stuck in your head, bring your awareness back to your body. Start by taking a deep breath, feeling it as it travels all the way down to your feet. This helps shift you out of a hyper-focused state and into a more expansive, relaxed state.
Pay Attention to the Other Person: Rather than focusing on yourself, tune in to the other person. Notice their facial expressions, the way their hair falls, or the subtle gestures they make. Taking in these small details helps you engage with them rather than with your own anxiety.
Listen Fully: Really listen to what the other person is saying without worrying about what you’re going to say next. What’s the emotion behind their words? Are they excited, frustrated, or just sharing something personal? The more you tune into their experience, the more natural your response will be.
The Outcome: Confidence and Connection
When you make this shift, you move from a place of self-doubt to a place of genuine connection. By focusing on the present moment and the person you’re speaking with, you’ll find that your anxiety decreases and your natural confidence emerges. Conversations become easier, and you start to enjoy them more.
“When you stop focusing on yourself and start focusing on the conversation, your true confidence can shine through.”
Take the First Step: Practice Now
Try practicing these techniques in your next conversation. Take a breath, focus on the person in front of you, and listen with full attention. You’ll be amazed at how much more confident and present you feel.
Remember, building confidence in social situations takes time, but with consistent practice, you can overcome your social anxiety and start enjoying meaningful connections.
You don’t have to be perfect at it right away. What’s important is that you take the first step today. You’ve got this.
Reading blogs and watching videos online is a start...
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