I Was A People Pleaser Until I Did This...
Feb 27, 2025Do you feel like you're constantly checking in with everyone around you, making sure they’re happy and that you’re not upsetting anyone? What if I told you this “niceness” could be making you sick and holding you back from living authentically?
In this blog post, I’ll share an important realization I had that shifted everything for me—and how it can change your life, too.
The Hidden Trap of Over-Responsibility
When I was constantly focused on making sure everyone was okay, I was sacrificing my own well-being. It wasn’t just about being kind—it was about over-responsibility. This is when you feel like you are responsible for everyone else’s emotions, and it becomes emotionally exhausting. You become hyper-vigilant, constantly scanning for any signs that someone might be upset or dissatisfied with you.
“If you’re not okay, then I’m not okay. If you’re upset, I’m unsafe, and I need to fix it right now.”
This mindset led me to constantly check if people were happy with me—whether it was my wife, kids, colleagues, or even strangers. It became a habit that drained me, leaving me emotionally tight and anxious, even when nothing was wrong.
Why Checking Everyone’s Feelings Makes You Anxious
Here’s the thing about people-pleasing: constantly checking if everyone’s okay only amplifies your anxiety. Imagine you’re constantly looking at your phone, checking for updates or likes on social media. How does that feel? You end up feeling stressed and uncertain. That’s the same thing that happens when you’re constantly checking if someone else is happy or upset with you.
This constant vigilance puts you in a state of hyper-anxiety, which makes it harder for you to relax, be present, and enjoy life. But how do you stop this cycle?
The Shift: Stop Assuming People Are Upset
I realized that in order to free myself from this pattern, I had to make a conscious shift. I needed to stop assuming that people were upset with me unless they told me otherwise. Instead of thinking, “Are they mad at me?” every time someone was quiet or distant, I started assuming that they were fine.
“I decided that everyone in my group was cool until proven otherwise.”
I stopped checking everyone’s feelings to see if they were upset or not. I didn’t let that anxiety dictate my behavior anymore. Instead, I trained myself to trust that people were okay until they told me otherwise. This was a huge shift for me, and it made all the difference in how I interacted with people.
The Freedom of Letting Go of People-Pleasing
Now, when I finish a group call or meeting, I don’t spiral into worry thinking that everyone is mad at me. I assume that things are good unless I hear otherwise. The freedom from this constant worry is incredible, and it’s allowed me to show up more authentically in my life and in my work.
“You don’t need to please everybody. You just need to be you. What a relief.”
If you’re someone who constantly feels like you have to make everyone around you happy, take a moment to reflect: What would happen if you let go of that responsibility? What if you trusted that people can handle their own feelings and that you don’t have to fix everything?
A Final Thought: You Are Enough Just As You Are
Remember, you don’t need to be perfect, and you don’t need to make sure everyone around you is okay. When you give yourself permission to just be you, you’ll find that the pressure melts away. You are enough as you are.
Take a moment today to ask yourself: What if I stopped trying to please everyone and just focused on being authentic?
That’s where true confidence begins. And it’s a confidence that comes from within—not from constantly managing everyone else’s emotions. You’ve got this.
Reading blogs and watching videos online is a start...
When you are ready to radically transform your confidence so you speak up freely, boldly go after what you want, connect easily with others and be 100% unapologetically yourself, coaching is the answer.
GET YOUR FREE CONFIDENCE MINI-COURSE NOW!
Unleash Your Inner Confidence Today!
Click On The Button Below To Get Your FREE Mini-Course Right Now!
GOT CONFIDENCE?
Confidence University is the culmination of all my years of work assisting others with overcoming social anxiety and building unstoppable confidence in its place. It's the next best thing to work with me one-on-one.