How to Break Free From the Safety Police
Dec 01, 2025Your Fear Has a Name — And It’s Controlling More Than You Realize
If you’ve ever hesitated before speaking up…
If you’ve ever overthought a simple interaction for hours…
If you’ve ever wanted to set a boundary but froze…
If you’ve ever held back from doing something bold because something inside said,
“No. Not safe. Don’t do that.”
…you’ve met the Safety Police.
I talk about this in The Art of Extraordinary Confidence, and it’s one of the most transformative concepts for people who struggle with self-doubt, social anxiety, people-pleasing, or fear of judgment.
Because here’s the truth:
**Your Safety Police is not logical.
It is not protective.
And it is not on your side.**
It thinks it’s protecting you.
It pretends it’s keeping you safe.
It sounds very convincing.
But in reality?
The Safety Police is a frightened part of you that’s been running your life for far too long.
It’s time to take back the steering wheel.
What Exactly Is the Safety Police?
Let me give you the simplest definition:
The Safety Police is the voice inside that predicts catastrophe anytime you consider doing something bold, authentic, or outside your comfort zone.
It sounds like:
- “They’ll think you’re annoying.”
- “Don’t say anything, you’ll sound stupid.”
- “You’re not ready.”
- “This will be embarrassing.”
- “Don’t get too excited — you’ll look weird.”
- “You can’t handle people being upset with you.”
- “Be careful… just in case.”
Even when you’re growing, healing, or trying to change, the Safety Police hijacks the process:
- “If you stop seeking approval, you’ll become arrogant.”
- “If you relax your self-criticism, you’ll get lazy.”
- “If you believe you’re worthy, you’ll stop trying.”
- “If you speak up, you’ll ruin the relationship.”
The Safety Police speaks with the confidence of a Supreme Court judge issuing a final ruling.
But here’s the thing:
It’s wrong. Almost every time.
A Coaching Moment That Reveals the Safety Police in Action
Inside a group session of my Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind recently, a client (we’ll call him J) shared a breakthrough moment.
He’d been working hard on shifting his sense of worth from external validation to something internal and unconditional — something I talk about deeply in Doubtless.
But every time he’d get close to actually believing he had inherent worth, something inside grabbed him by the ankle:
“Be careful. If you stop beating yourself up, you’ll become complacent.”
“If you really believe you’re enough, you’ll stop achieving.”
This is a classic Safety Police move.
J’s Safety Police was presenting a false choice — a psychological booby trap:
Either you stay insecure and productive…
or you become confident and useless.
That’s ridiculous when you say it out loud.
But inside your mind, it feels real.
That’s how the Safety Police works.
The Safety Police Uses Two Main Weapons
Let’s break down how this internal force keeps you stuck.
✅ Weapon #1: False Predictions
It says:
- “If you speak up, they will hate you.”
- “If you set a boundary, they’ll leave.”
- “If you show your emotions, you’ll seem weak.”
- “If you take time for yourself, people will be disappointed.”
These are predictions, not facts.
But they feel like facts because your nervous system reacts as if danger is imminent.
✅ Weapon #2: False Choices
This is more insidious.
The Safety Police frames everything in extreme either/or scenarios:
- “Either you stay nice or you become selfish.”
- “Either you work hard or you fall apart.”
- “Either you stay on guard or you get hurt.”
- “Either you stay small or you become arrogant.”
This type of thinking appears all over the place in people who grew up with niceness conditioning — something I dive deeply into in Not Nice.
The Safety Police doesn’t present the full range of options.
It only presents extremes.
Because extremes keep you anxious and obedient.
Why You Can’t Argue With the Safety Police
Most people try to debate their fears.
- “That won’t happen.”
- “I know I should speak up.”
- “I know they probably won’t judge me.”
- “I know I’m overthinking.”
- “This fear isn’t logical.”
Has arguing ever worked?
No.
Because the Safety Police doesn’t run on logic.
It runs on emotion + old conditioning.
Trying to debate fears is like trying to negotiate with a toddler in full meltdown mode.
You won’t win.
So what do you do instead?
You use the method that has changed thousands of lives:
The Let’s Find Out Method
This method is deceptively simple.
It bypasses fear, bypasses overthinking, and bypasses internal debate.
It takes back your power by putting reality — not fear — in charge.
Here’s how it works:
When the Safety Police says:
“If you say that, they’ll judge you.”
You don’t argue.
You don’t debate.
You don’t analyze.
You say:
“…Let’s find out.”
Then you take the action anyway.
When it says:
“If you set a boundary, this relationship will fall apart.”
You say:
“…Let’s find out.”
And set the boundary.
When it says:
“If you stop self-attacking, you’ll get lazy and fall behind.”
You say:
“…Let’s find out.”
And practice being on your own side.
This method:
✅ breaks fear’s illusion of certainty
✅ forces evidence-based living
✅ creates real-world data
✅ builds confidence through action
✅ restores your freedom
In The Art of Extraordinary Confidence, I talk about bold action as a path to becoming unstoppable — and this method is one of the purest distillations of that principle.
A Story About Superior Fuel
When I was coaching J on this, I shared a metaphor I love:
Most people run on an old fuel source:
- fear
- inadequacy
- pressure
- self-attack
- perfectionism
- guilt
- “not enough yet”
The Safety Police insists:
“This is the only fuel that works! Without it, you’ll stop moving.”
But like I told J, that’s like driving an old, sputtering gas-powered car while believing electric cars are “too risky.”
I have a Tesla, and the first time I asked the mechanic to change the oil, he looked at me like I was speaking Martian:
“Change the what? This car doesn’t use oil.”
That moment hit me:
We cling to familiar systems long after they’ve become obsolete.
Fear-based drive is an obsolete system.
There’s superior fuel available:
- purpose
- meaning
- fascination
- curiosity
- inspiration
- contribution
- joy
- desire
- mission
- self-respect
But the Safety Police says:
“That won’t work. You’ll get lazy.”
And the only way to prove it wrong is…
Yep.
Let’s find out.
The Safety Police Isn’t Just Fear — It’s Old Programming
The Safety Police was formed when:
- you were young
- you were sensitive
- you tried hard to be good
- you wanted approval
- you didn’t want to upset anyone
- you feared rejection
- you learned to stay small to stay safe
This is why so many adults still act like danger is everywhere — even when life has changed dramatically since childhood.
The Safety Police is outdated software.
And outdated software creates glitches:
- freezing up
- overthinking
- emotional shutdown
- self-censorship
- procrastination
- fear of asking for anything
- letting people walk over you
Fear hasn’t been updated.
But you have.
Now it’s time to upgrade the operating system.
How to Use the “Let’s Find Out” Method in Real Life
Here are practical steps — the same ones I use with clients inside the Mastermind.
✅ 1. Notice the Prediction
The moment you feel resistance or fear, pause and ask:
“What is my Safety Police predicting right now?”
Write it down if you can.
Example:
- “If I speak up, they’ll roll their eyes.”
- “If I express my irritation, they’ll reject me.”
- “If I ask for what I want, I’ll look selfish.”
- “If I’m honest, this will blow up.”
Awareness is the beginning of freedom.
✅ 2. Assume the Prediction Is Wrong
Not because you’re delusional.
Because statistically?
Your Safety Police is wrong about 90% of the time.
Fear is a terrible predictor of social reality.
✅ 3. Say the magic words: “Let’s find out.”
This moves you from:
fear → experiment
prediction → curiosity
avoidance → action
Your whole nervous system shifts.
✅ 4. Take one small action
Not a giant leap.
Just one small, real-world test.
Examples:
- Speak a sentence of truth.
- Ask a genuine question.
- Say no politely.
- Share a preference.
- Let someone see your real facial expression.
- Voice mild disagreement.
- Send the message.
- End the call when you want to.
Small actions create massive liberation over time.
✅ 5. Observe the real results
This is how you destroy the Safety Police’s power.
Because the moment you gather evidence that contradicts fear, your brain updates.
You become freer.
Bolder.
More authentic.
More powerful.
Action breaks spells.
When You Live Without the Safety Police… Everything Changes
Imagine this:
✅ You say what you really think
✅ You ask for what you want
✅ You express your emotions without qualifiers
✅ You set boundaries without guilt
✅ You stop rehearsing everything
✅ You walk into rooms without monitoring yourself
✅ You stop over-explaining
✅ You stop pleasing
✅ You stop apologizing for existing
✅ You live with a sense of inner permission
This is what it feels like to be free.
Not perfect.
Not fearless.
Free.
This is the heart of the work I do — turning decades-old patterns of silence, guilt, fear, and niceness conditioning into clarity, courage, authenticity, and joy.
And if you want to go deeper than reading a book or a blog…
This is exactly what we do inside my Mastermind.
✅ Ready to Dismantle Your Safety Police — Fully and Permanently?
If you’ve spent years struggling with:
- Social anxiety
- People-pleasing
- Niceness conditioning
- Fear of conflict
- Freezing up around others
- Constantly managing how you come across
- A vicious inner critic
- Difficulty setting boundaries
- Overthinking everything you say
- Fear of being judged
- Chronic self-doubt or self-censorship
…then you are living under the rule of the Safety Police — and it’s time for a total transformation.
Inside the Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind, you’ll learn how to:
✅ Break lifelong approval-seeking patterns
✅ Silence self-doubt and internal criticism
✅ Speak with power and authenticity
✅ Set boundaries without guilt
✅ Build real confidence from the inside out
✅ Feel worthy without needing to earn it
✅ Trust yourself deeply
✅ Express who you really are
✅ Create the relationships, career, and life you actually want
It’s not surface-level work.
It’s full-system transformation.
If you’re ready to free yourself from fear and step into the boldest version of yourself…
👉 Learn more about the Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind
https://www.socialconfidencecenter.com/ucmv3
Your next level of confidence is waiting.
Let’s find out what’s possible for you.
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