The Fear Of People
Aug 01, 2024Imagine someone asking if you’re afraid of humans. It sounds ridiculous at first, right? But if you’re someone who struggles with social anxiety, that question may hit closer to home than you’d like to admit. Just like people with arachnophobia avoid spiders, those with social anxiety tend to avoid people. But here's the thing: it’s not humans you’re afraid of—it’s rejection. The good news? This fear can be overcome.
Social Anxiety: A Fear of Human Rejection
Many people with social anxiety overestimate the likelihood of rejection. You might think, "If I go into that room full of people, they’ll reject me." The fear feels paralyzing, just like someone afraid of spiders thinking they’ll get bitten the moment they see one. But the reality is far different.
“You radically overpredict the negative outcome. It’s going to be awful. They’re not going to like me.”
In reality, interactions with others are often neutral or even positive. Yet, the fear of being rejected is so intense that you may avoid social situations altogether. This creates a vicious cycle of avoidance, reinforcing the belief that people are scary and rejection is inevitable.
Hiding in Plain Sight
Social anxiety can also manifest in subtler ways. Perhaps you attend social events but hide in plain sight by staying quiet, blending into the background, and avoiding drawing attention to yourself. This way, you avoid rejection—but you also miss out on real connection.
This fear of connection, interestingly enough, stems from the same place as the fear of rejection. The closer you get to someone, the more vulnerable you feel. You fear that deeper connection will lead to even more painful rejection. But avoiding connection only leads to more isolation and reinforces the anxiety.
How to Overcome the Fear: Build a New Data Set
The solution? You need to reprogram your brain with new, real-world experiences. Much like gradually exposing someone with a fear of spiders to the creatures in a safe environment, you need to expose yourself to social situations—again and again.
“You’ve got to test out what actually happens, not your prediction.”
Start small, just like my son’s gradual exposure to spiders. The first step might be as simple as making eye contact or saying hello to someone. Each time you interact with others and realize that they’re not rejecting you, you’re creating a new data set—one that tells you that people aren’t as scary as your brain predicts.
A Life Beyond Social Anxiety
Overcoming social anxiety takes time and effort, but it’s possible. By gradually exposing yourself to social situations and collecting real evidence that people don’t automatically reject you, you can break free from the cage of social anxiety.
You don’t have to live in fear or hide in plain sight any longer. There is a path to greater confidence, connection, and freedom. You can do this, one small step at a time.
“The key here is you’ve got to get a new data set. You’ve got to test out again and again what actually happens.”
Ready to take that first step? Remember, the journey to confidence begins with action. You are not alone, and you have the strength to face your fears and emerge victorious.
Reading blogs and watching videos online is a start...
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