The Hidden Reason You Crave Approval (And How to Break Free)
Jun 05, 2025Do you ever feel anxious or desperate for other people's approval? Perhaps you’re comfortable with certain people, but the moment you’re around someone you admire or need something from, you tighten up, become self-conscious, and start doubting yourself. If this sounds like you, you’re not alone. In fact, this is one of the most common struggles I see in my work with clients—and it’s keeping you from living authentically.
The Pattern That Holds You Back
One thing I’ve learned from years of experience and working with hundreds of clients is that this constant need for approval doesn’t disappear over time. It’s not something that fades just because you age or gain more experience. I’ve spoken with people in their 50s, 60s, and even 70s who are still battling the same feelings of social anxiety and desperation for approval they had when they were younger. This pattern can hold you back in so many areas of life—whether it’s in relationships, work, or just feeling confident in your own skin.
The Root of Approval-Seeking Behavior
The real issue isn’t the other person’s approval. It’s the feeling inside of you—the fear that if they don’t approve of you, you’ll be rejected, unworthy, or unloved. This fear becomes a driving force in your life, making you anxious and stressed. You end up doing things, saying things, or withholding parts of yourself just to gain approval from others.
A Powerful Exercise for Change
Here’s an exercise I use in my coaching to help shift this pattern. Imagine someone in your life who triggers this need for approval. When you're around them, you feel tight, anxious, or desperate for them to like you. Focus on that feeling in your body—where do you feel it? For me, it’s often in my chest or solar plexus. That’s where the energy of desperation lives.
Now, picture yourself in the middle of a conversation with this person. Instead of grasping for approval, simply allow the discomfort to be there. Let that feeling of needing them to like you exist without trying to fix it. This is the first step in disconnecting from the need for external validation.
Why This Approach Works
When you’re constantly hustling for approval, your energy is focused on what others think. It’s like trying to get a high five from someone you barely know—and when you don’t get it, the hunger for validation grows even stronger. But here’s the truth: approval from others will never fill the hole inside you. It’s not about them—it’s about how you view yourself.
The solution isn’t out there in other people’s opinions; it’s inside you. The key is to shift your focus inward and begin filling your "cup" with self-approval. Start recognizing your wins, celebrating your strengths, and giving yourself the love and validation that you’ve been chasing from others. When you do this, the external validation you used to seek so desperately no longer holds as much weight.
Filling Your Cup
The next time you feel desperate for someone’s approval, stop and ask yourself: Why am I seeking this? Is this truly necessary for my happiness, or am I simply avoiding the discomfort of not feeling good enough? If you can start to notice this pattern and make small shifts—like giving yourself credit for what you’ve accomplished or acknowledging your value—then you’ll find that you need less and less from others.
The Path to Freedom
Shifting away from approval-seeking behavior is a process. It’s not about suddenly changing everything overnight—it’s about learning to be okay with discomfort and realizing that your worth is not dependent on others’ opinions. When you fill your own cup, you stop living in a state of anxiety and desperation. Instead, you show up more confidently, authentically, and powerfully in every area of your life.
Are you ready to stop seeking approval and start living authentically? Begin by noticing when you feel the need to apologize or seek validation. Question it. Is it really necessary? And from there, take small steps to honor yourself and your worth.
Your journey to confidence and self-approval starts with this simple shift in perspective. Embrace your own value, and you’ll soon see how much easier it becomes to let go of the need for approval. You're enough just as you are.
Take action today: Notice where you feel desperate for approval and practice reframing those moments by focusing on your worth. How will you start shifting this pattern in your life today?
Until next time, remember that you are amazing—and you have everything you need inside you to shine.
Reading blogs and watching videos online is a start...
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