The No 1 Daily Decision of Nice People

If you're a nice person, you're making one decision every day,

You're probably making at least 15 times a day, keeping you in that nice cage, keeping that pattern going. 

This is the one daily decision of nice people. 

You'll want to read this because if you shift that, if you make a different decision, it'll steer your life in a completely different direction, one of more freedom, more expressiveness, more boldness, more aliveness. 

So if that sounds good, I will share how to break free. 

I want to help you break free because it's a lot better on the outside. There's one decision keeping you in that cage of niceness: the decision of what you prioritize. 

So without knowing it, if you're a nice person, you're going through the day prioritizing one thing, and that's going to show up at work, that's going to show up socially, it's going to show up in your relationships, it's going to show up everywhere. 

That's why I said you might make this decision 15 times a day or more. 

What is the decision? 

What are you prioritizing?

What is the most important thing for you that day?

Is it your kids?

Is it making money?

Is it healthy?

All those are important, but not as important as this: the number one thing you're prioritizing, if you're nice, you're prioritizing safety. 

What that resembles is a dozen moments throughout the day where there's a moment to take a little or a big risk saying not somebody challenging somebody, sending an email that's a little more direct instead of pleasing disagreeing about something, asking a question, not just immediately smiling and nodding, but saying, so what are you saying? 

Whatever it is, there are many moments like that throughout the day.

I mean, we could break it down even into conversations with somebody when you want to change the subject of the conversation, when you want to end the conversation, who you want to talk to, who you want to approach, how you want to approach them, how direct you are, how bold you are. 

Do you speak up?

Do you raise your hand? 

Do you ask a question?

There's probably more than 15, probably 30, 50 a day, little opportunities like this. And without knowing it, your mind can quickly seek the safe option. 

No, it's like a little fork in the road, and it keeps going down one side— the safe way. 

The Safe Way.

The safe way is: don't speak up, don't share, don't take the risk, don't ask the question, don't make yourself seen, and certainly don't disagree with anybody because that's only going to end badly. 

So you're trying to make it through the day as safe as possible, minimizing all risk, avoiding all risk, and therefore avoiding all discomfort, what your safety police will tell you is death and ruin. 

If you were to speak up, my gosh, horrible things would happen. I’m going to get fired, I’m going to get broken up with, everyone will leave me, and my life will be a pile of rubble, which is not true. 

That's just a voice designed to keep you as safe as possible, which is the decision you've been making daily. 

Is this ringing true? Did you relate to what I'm talking about? I know this from the inside, not just from clients.

In any case, every time you're making a decision, you're choosing one thing, and you're cutting something else off. That's why “dasiri” is the Latin root of decision, which means to cut off. 

So if you're choosing A, you're not choosing B. That's how decisions work in life. 

Do you choose to buy the thing or not? Do you choose to be with that person or not? 

Sure, there are vague areas like situationships, but I mean, for the most part, are you with the person or not? 

So when you're choosing safety, what are you not choosing? 

I asked this recently in a workshop I was running online. People put all kinds of things in the chat. 

If you're prioritizing safety, you're not prioritizing achieving your goals, taking the risk, or breaking free confidence. 

I would summarize all of that as saying when you're choosing safety, you're not choosing to be fully alive. And that's a little depressing. Maybe a bit depressing. Maybe depressing isn't so bad. 

I know personally, I had to get pretty, if not depressed, then disturbed about my future, about where I was heading, about my life, so that I had the impulse and the energy to do something about it. 

I'm hoping this and highlighting this decision you're making will agitate you a little bit. 

It's going to make you start to pay attention to that, that's my invitation for you to watch it over the next couple of weeks. 

Is this true? Don't just take my word for it. Observe it in your own experience. And if it is true, when will you start choosing differently? Because the risk here is not most likely your literal death. 

You'll probably not die from avoiding all these risks, but you will not fully live, which is a different kind of death. It's like the death of your spirit and your soul.

So if that agitates and disturbs you, then good. 

I encourage you to make a different decision: to take the risk, which is to lean in and do the uncomfortable thing. And I know you can do it, no matter what that voice of doubt says in your mind. 

Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.