The Real Secret To Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem
Jun 26, 2024The One Secret to Self-Confidence
There is one secret to self-confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem. It’s so simple that your initial reaction might be, "I don’t know about all that. Where’s the next video? It’s got to be more complicated than this." But it doesn’t have to be. When my clients truly grasp this concept, it's like a light goes off in their eyes. They realize, "Wait a minute. That’s what you were telling me all along." And hopefully, when you read this, you’ll get it too.
I'm Dr. Aziz, the founder of the Center for Social Confidence and the author of six best-selling books on confidence. If you want more, make sure you subscribe to my channel and hit the notification bell to stay updated. The more of these videos you watch, the more confident and free you’ll become. Now, let’s dive into the fundamental distinction that can change your life.
The Biggest Problem with Social Confidence
The core issue with social confidence, fear of approaching people, and social anxiety is a feeling of not being worthy. You might have specific reasons for this or no reason at all; it’s just a pervasive sense of being less than others. "He’s better looking. She’s more beautiful. They’re smarter, funnier, richer." You see yourself at the bottom of the totem pole everywhere you go. People often try to compensate by becoming fitter, richer, or cooler, but it never quite works out. Or, if it does, their confidence is very conditional and fluctuates constantly.
"Confidence is an inside job." The reason you feel like you’re at the bottom of the totem pole is because, on some level, you don’t believe you’re respectable, attractive, or interesting. Not only that, but you’re fighting for that belief. When clients tell me they’re not interesting, I ask them to explain why. They often struggle to articulate it and realize they’re holding onto an old story about themselves.
Breaking the Cycle of Self-Doubt
Social anxiety is a defense against life, against connection, and against opening yourself up. It’s a guarded stance that says, "I don’t want to experience pain, so I’ll shut down from life." If you believed you were amazing and had something to offer, you’d open up to life. This is why you cling to the false story in the first place.
I remember a woman I worked with who was learning to love herself more and get on her own side. She was frustrated after a social situation where she felt afraid. I asked her to relate to that fearful part of herself with more compassion, similar to how she would with her nieces and nephews. Initially, she was clinical and harsh with herself. But one day, something clicked. She realized she had been telling herself for years that she wasn’t enough. She decided, "This is who I am. I can go through life waiting for it to be better, or I can decide right now that I’m awesome."
"You don’t have to wait for someone to tell you that you’re awesome. You can decide that you are lovable and worthy right now."
The Decision of a Lifetime
The secret to self-confidence is making the fundamental decision to believe in your worth. You might think, "It can’t be that simple," but it is. This decision changes your entire life. I speak from personal experience; I lived my life feeling unworthy and unattractive for years. But eventually, I made the decision to walk into any situation knowing that I am worthy.
Even if someone says no or rejects you, if you know you’re awesome, you keep going. You’ll find more connection and love than you ever thought possible.
Take Action
So, what would you do if you already believed you were enough? Practice those things. The more you act as if you are enough, the more life will open up to you.
Share in the comments what you found most valuable. I want to hear how this realization is affecting you. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and know on a deep level that you are awesome.
Reading blogs and watching videos online is a start...
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