The Social Anxiety Trap
anxiety assertiveness authentic confidence confidence boost social anxiety Jun 19, 2024Breaking Free from the Social Anxiety Trap
Are you caught in the social anxiety trap? This is a cage I lived in for many years, and I see so many people struggling within it. They yearn to be more expressive, outgoing, and connected, but something holds them back. They’re stuck, like having their leg caught in a bear trap, unable to break free. Today, I want to share exactly how you can escape this trap.
I'm Dr. Aziz, the founder of the Center for Social Confidence and the author of six best-selling books on confidence, including The Solution of Social Anxiety. Let’s dive into what this trap is and how you can break free.
The Root of the Trap: A Flawed Perception
The social anxiety trap starts with a deeply ingrained belief that something is fundamentally wrong with you. You might think you're broken, messed up, or different in some significant way. This perception could stem from various experiences like hypercritical parents, bullying, or feeling different and isolated during your childhood.
"The first and most important part of the trap is a belief, a story, a perception of yourself as somehow fundamentally flawed."
Understanding that this is a learned perception is crucial. If you can learn it, you can unlearn it. Question where you got this belief. Did someone tell you explicitly, or did you infer it from how you were treated? Realizing that it's learned helps you see that it's not an absolute truth.
How the Trap Tightens
Once you believe you're flawed, you predict that others won't like you. Why would they want to date you or be your friend? This belief leads to behaviors that keep you small and invisible. You avoid speaking up, sharing your stories, or engaging with others because you assume no one is interested. This behavior reinforces your belief because people do overlook you—not because you're uninteresting, but because you're not putting yourself out there.
"When you believe you're less than, you don't put yourself out there. You downsize your social life and become small, maybe even invisible."
Challenging the Story
To break out of this cage, you must challenge the story that you’re not enough. This is the toughest part because it feels so true. I see this with many clients in my one-year mastermind program. They join wanting to change but struggle with believing it’s possible. For months, they thrash around, thinking, "I can't do this." Then, they reach a point where they're ready to question their fundamental perception.
"The magic word to break free from the trap of social anxiety is 'test.' You need to test what really happens."
Testing Reality
Imagine that your perception of being unlikable or uninteresting is wrong. What would you do differently? Would you talk to people, ask someone out, or speak up in a group? Now, go practice those actions and see what happens. Don’t just test once—try it a dozen times or more. You’ll likely find that your negative predictions are unfounded.
"The key is to start testing reality instead of just believing the old story. The cage doesn’t dissolve on its own. You need to take action to break free."
Take the Next Step
If you're ready to make this change and want my support, visit draziz.com and click on the coaching tab. Learn about the mastermind program I run, our virtual and in-person events, and the Confidence University at-home study course. There are numerous resources to help you.
"Don't let the voice of doubt stop you. Challenge it and defy it. You have the courage to be who you are, and on a deep level, you are awesome."
Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you are awesome.
Reading blogs and watching videos online is a start...
When you are ready to radically transform your confidence so you speak up freely, boldly go after what you want, connect easily with others and be 100% unapologetically yourself, coaching is the answer.
Dr. Aziz Gazipura
Author
Dr. Aziz is the worldโs leading confidence expert. He helps people break free from hesitation, fear, and self-doubt so they can rapidly grow their businesses, become more powerful leaders, and enjoy outstanding relationships.
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