The Only Thing Blocking Your Confidence
Jan 04, 2026The Story You Don’t Know You’re Telling
There’s a moment in nearly every coaching call where someone finally reveals the invisible thing that’s been gripping them for years.
Not their job.
Not their relationship.
Not their upbringing.
A story.
A sentence.
A belief.
A quiet conclusion they drew long ago and never questioned again.
Last week inside my Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind, a brilliant guy shared that whenever he sees a woman he’s attracted to, something inside him goes cold. He freezes. Shuts down. Instantly assumes she wouldn’t want someone like him.
He didn’t say it with drama — just matter-of-fact resignation, like he was reporting the weather.
“It’s just true,” he said.
But it wasn’t true.
It wasn’t reality.
It was a story.
A story he had rehearsed so many times that it felt like a fact.
A story he kept projecting onto situations that didn’t deserve it.
A story that shaped his behavior, his body language, his opportunities, and his self-worth.
When I asked him, “Who taught you that?” he paused. He didn’t know. Somewhere along the line, the story became fused with identity. And once that happens, the story doesn’t feel like a story anymore — it feels like you.
Stories Feel Real Because You Confirm Them
One of the things I explore in The Art of Extraordinary Confidence is how the mind is always seeking confirmation. Once it believes something about you — “I’m awkward,” “I’m not attractive enough,” “I’m not interesting,” “People get annoyed with me” — the mind will scan every interaction for proof.
The guy who doesn’t make eye contact becomes proof.
The date who doesn’t text becomes proof.
The coworker who’s distracted becomes proof.
And then your inner critic steps in like a prosecuting attorney:
“See? This ALWAYS happens. That means it’s who you are.”
This is the trap.
The story creates the emotion.
The emotion creates the behavior.
The behavior creates the experience.
The experience reinforces the story.
And you never realize the loop was internal the whole time.
The Moment You Question the Story, It Cracks
I shared something with that client — something I tell people when they’re stuck inside a lifelong narrative:
“What if the story you’re living in isn’t true — just familiar?”
Silence.
Then something shifted.
His face softened.
He took a breath.
New air came into the conversation.
Because the truth is:
Most people are not suffering from reality.
They’re suffering from their interpretation of reality.
And interpretations can be changed.
Sometimes all it takes is one moment of clarity — a hand reaching in and pulling the thread that loosens the whole knot.
Look at the Opposite Story
I asked him:
“What if the opposite story is equally true?”
What if women who seem “out of his league” have their own insecurities?
What if they’re longing for someone grounded, sincere, and emotionally intelligent?
What if they appreciate someone who sees them as human instead of an idealized fantasy?
What if he was the one being chosen — and he didn’t recognize it?
This isn’t delusion.
It’s actually more accurate than the old belief.
Because the truth is:
People aren’t living in these rigid hierarchies we invent in our minds.
We’re all human.
We’re all nervous.
We’re all longing for connection.
Perspective shifts like this don’t magically erase fear — but they create openings. And openings create options. And options create movement.
Your Story Determines Your Courage
Here’s what I’ve learned after working with thousands of people:
If your story is “I’m not enough,” you will collapse.
If your story is “I’m learning,” you will grow.
If your story is “I’m worthy,” you will rise.
Confidence isn’t about never feeling fear.
It’s about the story you tell yourself when fear appears.
In Not Nice, I talk about how people-pleasing is rooted in a story about danger — the idea that disapproval equals disaster. But once you question the story, your behavior can change. Your voice returns. Your boundaries strengthen. Your courage rises.
Everything hinges on the narrative.
Try This: The Story Reversal Exercise
Here’s a practice I give my private clients:
- Write down the painful story.
“People don’t want to talk to me.”
“I’m not interesting.”
“I’m not enough.” - Ask: Where did this come from?
Usually childhood.
Sometimes high school.
Often nowhere specific — just repeated emotion. - Now write the opposite story.
Not a fantasy — a real, human possibility.
“People enjoy talking to me.”
“I’m interesting when I let myself be.”
“I’m learning to be enough without proving anything.” - Ask: When might this be true?
Look for evidence.
This process isn’t about tricking yourself.
It’s about breaking the monopoly the old story has on your identity.
When you realize both stories are available, you get to choose the one that serves your life.
If You Want to Go Deeper
If you’re stuck in old stories — if your confidence gets hijacked by narratives that feel true but aren’t — you don’t have to keep living that way.
That’s exactly why I created 5 Steps to Unleash Your Inner Confidence, a free mini-course that helps you:
✅ Identify the stories holding you back
✅ Break the confirmation bias loop
✅ Build confidence from the inside out
✅ Take bold action even when you’re scared
Get it here:
https://www.socialconfidencecenter.com/minicourse
Reading blogs and watching videos online is a start...
When you are ready to radically transform your confidence so you speak up freely, boldly go after what you want, connect easily with others and be 100% unapologetically yourself, coaching is the answer.
GET YOUR FREE CONFIDENCE MINI-COURSE NOW!
Unleash Your Inner Confidence Today!
Click On The Button Below To Get Your FREE Mini-Course Right Now!
GOT CONFIDENCE?
Confidence University is the culmination of all my years of work assisting others with overcoming social anxiety and building unstoppable confidence in its place. It's the next best thing to work with me one-on-one.