Want More Confidence? Be Unreasonable!

Feb 22, 2023


Do you want to know the surprising way to get more confidence? 


Be unreasonable. 


Let me explain. 


When it comes to building confidence, the fastest way to build confidence is to take action to go after what you want in life. 


One of the most useful questions I ask clients is, “If you had all the confidence you could ever need, what would you do?” 


Maybe they’re struggling in their dating life, or they want to change their workplace or career, etc. I say, “what would you do if you had all the confidence in the world?” 


They say, “Well, I would approach people or I would take these risks in my career. I would do this, I would do that. I would be more real with my family.”


Now, our work is focused on how to help you take these actions: removing the inner blocks, building the courage, learning the skills, and whatever it takes to take those actions. 


Because I know you will build confidence as you take those actions, even if they’re small at first. It’s formulaic. That’s how confidence grows. 


As you start to consider taking those actions, you might be thinking, What would I do if I had unlimited confidence? What steps might I take? 


There could be a voice that comes into your mind that says, “Wait a minute, that’s a little intense. You should be reasonable. Taking a risk in your career, that’s unreasonable. You get a good job, you get a paycheck. You should just stay here. The economy’s not right.” 


You might not use that exact word unreasonable, but that’s the tone of it, right? 


That doubting voice will say, Maybe it’s not smart, or it’s not wise, or now is not the time, or it’s too fast or too much. 


Keep it all slower and more contained. 


Do not merely go out there, say things and take bold actions. 


That is the part that I call the safety police that’s trying to keep you safe and contained and not taking risks so you can avoid pain and discomfort, rejection, failure, and all the stuff that part of you thinks you cannot handle. 


The truth is you can handle it. 


The only way you discover that you can handle it is by exposing yourself to it, growing from it, and getting stronger to the point where you look back and say, “Look at all I’ve done over the last two or three years. Wow, I can handle anything.”


Then you get even more confidence. You want to get out there and do even more. 


How do you access that? You DECIDE right now.

If you look at my track record, I’ve had some failures, messy experiences, and losses. 


For example, I once adopted two puppies at once—that was a mistake. We had a small three-year-old child at the time, and he was rough with the puppies. We ended up having to rehome them. It was tragic; everyone was crying, and I felt like a terrible dad. 


About a year and a half later, we got another dog and absolutely crushed it. He’s an amazing member of the family now. 


If you know animals, it’s a big deal to get a dog, raise one, give it up, and have that confidence to say, “You know what, that didn’t work out the way that I wanted. But I’m so glad I took that bold action and that risk, and I learned and the next time I did it better.” 


We’re actually going to get another dog soon. So we’re all in. 


To give you another example: I met my wife when I approached her one day. She was married at the time, and they started to get to know each other.  


Then I expressed my feelings boldly and openly, thinking there was no chance it would lead to anything. 


We’ve been together for ten years to eleven years now, and we have a fantastic family together. 


Bold action pays off, and the risk pays off. 


The question is, when that voice in your head says, “This is unreasonable,” will you listen to it? Are you going to own being unreasonable? 


Right now, we’re in the process of moving. 


We got this puppy, and we’re selling a property. 


Some of our friends say, “What do you guys do? You guys are crazy.” That is the word they used. And I laughed. 


I said, “Yeah, I am crazy. I’m unreasonable,” and they asked, “How do you do it all?” 


My answer is: “I know what it’s like in the cage and in life; if I’m going to make an error, then it is because we all make mistakes. I think we learn from everything.” 


I don’t think anything is a mistake. 


There are no mistakes—there is only learning and growth, and it’s exactly what you need at that time, even if it leads to pain. 


There’s a middle way where you possess wisdom and experience, try to make the best choice, and head your risk. 


However, if I’m going to make an error, I’m going to err by taking on too much or failing, going for something and falling flat on my face and having a flaming wreckage of failure rather than not jumping in because I know the pain of that and maybe you do too.  


Thanks for being with me. 


Until we speak again, may we have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome. 


Talk to you soon. 

Reading blogs and watching videos online is a start...

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